Some Kinda Way?

I think my blog partner and I inadvertently made a theme for the week, Emotions. *cue the Carl Thomas* All this month/year/life I have "felt some kinda way". I actually posted this series of face book statuses this week:

I started to wonder: "What the hell does that even mean?" I say it so often that I think I have sucked all the life out of my little phrase. My definition for it is when I feel an emotion I have no name for. Kind of like when you aren't sad, but not particularly happy either. I can't call it indifferent, because I feel SOMEthing. My "feeling some kinda way" is similar to Tiha's blues, it is when I am the most creative and productive. I do not produce well on Cloud 9, I think it has something to do with the altitude, *shrugging*. Seriously though, if you were to check out my other blog you will notice when I am feeling confused or "le sigh" is when the best (in my opinion, which ain't a bad opinion at all) ,most intimate, and most relatable to my fans (all 4 of them). So I retract my response on facebook , I now say, "Feeling some kinda way BETTER be turned into something good or it is just a waste"

Moody Blue and the Artist in You

As an artist, (and I refer to myself as one all the time, I put it in writing and purport it upon meeting new people), I tend to get moody, I get down in the dumps, I get blue dammit. Now I understand that for some people, being bummed or depressed can be the worst thing in the world. They try everything in their power never to feel that low. For a person like me, its just a part of life. When I get down, and I mean not down because the Cowboys got the crap beat out of them the other night, but really DOWN, I kind of revel in it. I almost celebrate it. I close myself off from anyone and anything that may try to drag me out of it. I close the door, turn off the phone, and just be with moody me. These down times give me a chance to take a listen and converse with the different parts of me that I tend to suppress during the day. Kind of like a one on one session with the darker sides of me. The insecure one, the angry one, the fearful one, the horny one, the shy one. I get all down and dirty with these folks and we hash it out. I make deals with them, compromises and bribes. After all is said and done, I come back out feeling more settled and aware of myself. Now of course, if I’d taken the time to do this more often, I probably wouldn’t get so down and have to block off days, sometimes months to hash it out. But I’m getting better at listening to myself, and my down time is becoming less.

I don’t see anything wrong with being bummed out sometimes. Having been seriously depressed at one time in my life, I do know the difference, and I know all of the catchy terms for it too to give to the insurance company ;)

Now for all of you out there who just cant get down with being down, I have an injection of silver on this cloud for you (in my own sick and twisted way). The more we artists (and no I’m not speaking for all artists, just the ones I know and run with) get our personal time to be down, the more art we can produce for your consumption. Some of us produce from personal insight, so leave us alone so we can purge some content from our tortured souls. whooaaa, this post took a strange a little turn there. Let me get back to the point.

Love the artists in your lives, love yourselves, and let it do what it do! (yeah that’s the point)

You Send Me Swingin'....

Okay, I know I said I was going to answer Tiha's blog from last week, but I can't, because I am moody and in a weird place, so it is hard for me to focus right now. So, with that being said, my blog partner and I were chatting on IM today, as usual, and went off an an interesting tangent. She was lamenting about her current mind state. Here is a snippet of the conversation:

alisenikkole: how goes it?
T 2U: you know sometimes, i get tired of being a moody artist ruled by her emotions
T 2U: sometimes i want to be like a drone and be able to just shut it off, the emotional stuff
T 2U: sometimes i want to be a lemming and be able to go along with no problems
T 2U: that is how it is going for me
alisenikkole: dang..... i get to feeling like that sometimes myself, particularly this past weekend... I guess that's the whole ignorance is bliss idea of thinking with the whole rather be a lemming hing
alisenikkole: and u think that's what u want, but you don't, there's a whole other set of feelings attached when you go thru life like that, so basically i am saying:
alisenikkole: we are all screwed, lol
T 2U: lol!

All of this to say, how does an artist deal with the moodiness, weirdness, depression, or whatever you want to call it without alienating everyone/thing? Also, does anyone else feel this way too? (Seriously, we would like some feedback on this one, remember this is our therapy and sh*t....)

And since I referenced the song, here it is:

U Send Me Swingin - Mint Condition

Murray Crimmus Blog Family!

I was going to answer Tiha's blog from yesterday with my ideal business plan, but I am lazy and just want to read other people's blogs today, so this post will come to you on Monday, but do check her post from yesterday, along with all of my other favorite blogs below:

"If I Had My Own Business" by eysqueen

Check out Odara's post about her abhorrence of office potlucks: "It Ain't Personal"

Check out my Hate on Luvvie series over at my personal blog.

Then go get your fill of ignance over at Luvvie's blogspot.

Talk about what you want for Christmas over at Three Ways to Take It's blogspot: "The Three Ways Wish List"

Get some advice over at the Hey You Asked blogspot.

Check out the lovely Monica and all her Monicaliciousness in the post:
Monicaliciousness and other thoughts on 27

Have fun with my blog family over at
Very Smart Brothas. (Hey Champ & Panama!!!)

Last and definitely not least check out one of my favorite bloggers in the wide wide world Suga, over at Naked & Natural.

Murray Crimmus Y'all!

If I had my own Business

*Pretty cool looking office, ya think? It makes me feel sunny and happy just looking at it* -Alise

If I had my own business, what would it be like? hmmmmm. Well since I want to do a couple of things with my business/career, I’ll just make a general overview of the office life.

Yes, I’d like an office, I would like to get up in the morning and drive to my office. sweet! I don’t want to work from home, but I would like the option for when I can’t make the trek to the office. Or have the option to telecommute when I’m out of town (on my world tour). My office would be staffed with either college students or older folks who have retired and just want something to do during the day, for the administrative stuff. I don’t believe that being an administrator/secretary should be a life long endeavor, and I want people who know that this position will not be for them, forever. I need some jovial, sense of humor having low wage workers for the office stuff ;)

The other workers would be my partners, not subordinates. No way, dude. If I need a junior whatever (junior editor, junior web designer, appetence) they are going to be college students who need real world experience to graduate. Someone I can mold and guide and give a chance to, just like all the people who have given me a chance, paying it forward. Again, this will not be a position that lasts forever. I’m ok with having a revolving door for these smaller positions. I want my office to be a learning and creative environment that fosters innovation.

My partners and I would have meetings that are about something! Updates that cant be emailed and creative development sessions. I want my partners and me to have open communication, be aware of the projects we are all working on, without stupid fears of people taking ideas or some of the other petty stuff that I encounter on a daily basis. Even if we all don’t do the same thing, I still think its cool to know what the other folks are doing. For example, in one of my professions, I’m an online designer/e-learning designer and I share an office with 2 computer guys. One of the guys works hardware and connectivity, the other works software and security. We all do different things, but we all still need each other, and we will probably share clients.

And I’d have an accountant and a lawyer. I’m sure I don’t need to explain why.

I know this kind of office exists because it’s the kind of office my dad has, and has always maintained when he went into business for himself. 14 yrs he’s been in business for himself, and 14 yrs he hasn’t had any problems with his office culture. And yes I was the student for awhile that would do the admin stuff over the summer. It taught me a lot about how an office should function and what’s effective and what isn’t. I actually liked working in his office, even when I was the coffee girl trudging through the snow in downtown Boston.

So anyway, partner, what does your office or business look like?

*Alise's answer tomorrow....*

Friends and Home Depot

Home depot has a slogan, “You can do it, we can help”. I think it is so catchy, I use it almost everyday. I can always find a use for that slogan. This post is dedicated to personal cheerleaders and home depot handymen also known as our friends. I’m talking about the people who you don’t have to talk to all the time, but are always there right on time. The folks who give it to you real and raw, with constructive suggestions and help you grow. The friends that, if you were building a house, they’d be at the base of the ladder making sure your tail doesn’t tip over and ready with the nails, or hammer or whatever else you need because you forgot to bring it up when you decided to climb up the ladder in the first place. This is fo da homies! cheers and beers, tears and fears, rain and shine, time after time, I got yours if you got mines, I have no more words for this rhyme.

Even if I miss, I can't miss...

It's "The Wire" Friday y'all, check out the clip below:

*Warning: Contains explicit language*

Okay, I am really feeling myself. (Boys, get your minds out the gutter) I just got a sudden surge of über-confidence. I am doing some behind the scenes things right now that are going to be awesome for me, my future career, and even this blog. Soon I will be revealing some of the things I discussed in the fear. post. As Omar said in the clip above, "Even if I miss I can't miss!" I am really feeling that. Even in the midst of all the sad things going on with our world and our economy, I am optimistic anyway. I have made some baby steps such as self publishing a book*, hopping on more stages, and finally tackling that short story that has been "scary @ me" for so long. I am sticking to my goals and I can't wait to unveil the fabulous me. So enjoy your "Cube Sabbath Day" and have a vanglorious, splendiferous, funrageous** weekend!!!

*All the cool kids and
Luvvie are buying "Alise in Wonderland"
**No dictionaries were harmed in the creation of those words

What’s on my desk right now?

Currently on my desk at work is a closed binder of the last project I worked on. Yes, its closed because the master project manager has finished her project, on time, and is, in her mind done! I have copy of O magazine, the newest edition, that a coworker left on my chair yesterday because she knows I love to read and she’s trying to lure me back into the break room to eat lunch with them (see previous post about lunch time). I have a tablet pad of paper with random words scribbled on it, I take it in to meetings to pretend like a I give a sh*t. Looks really affective, like I’m being attentive, but really its just little lists of blog ideas and groceries and music I’d like to download. I have a desk sized calendar with December, the last month of the year glaring back at me. Budget cuts dictate that we wont be getting anymore of these calendars. And for some reason, people have been bringing this to my attention all month. “we wont be getting anymore of these.” I’m contemplating throwing it away TODAY!!!!!! I have a 32 oz red bottle not filled with water that is half empty for once. The idea was to fill it with water and drink it all everyday. The reality is that it sits there all day, not really getting empty, until I put a little flavor in it. Today’s flavor is raspberry iced tea, with splenda for us sugar intolerant folk. Other than a weirdly skewed mouse on an equally skewed mouse pad (working on using the mouse with my left hand because my clicking finger is starting to hurt and I need my hand to paint, I’m not letting this office life cripple me), and a keyboard in my lap tray, that’s it. I don’t live here, I don’t like it here, and I want my desk, my cube, to reflect the temporary nature of my time here. No, I’m not getting comfortable.

end of my Thursday ramble. I start my much needed vacation tomorrow and I’m about tapped out of blog ideas. my partner is going to seriously roast my tail for flaking out during my vacation, but she already know how I feel about the net. She knows, and now you know, I hate being online. So my vacation WILL NOT be spent online. Seasons Greetings ya’ll!

Mood Music....

T 2U: *singing "i bust the windows out your caaaarrrrrrrrr"
Alise: ohh gosh
Alise: pure fool
T 2U: that's how i start my morning
T 2U: with a good song about vengeance
Alise: lol
Alise: well i used to ride in to work everyday bumping 2Pac's "F*ck the World"
Alise: "I woke up screaming f*ck the world"

I love music, in fact people who don't scare me, and I swear my life has a soundtrack. You have songs that put you in the mood for love, songs you play when you are happy, tunes you spin when you are sad, and then you have music that mentally prepares you for your day at work. What songs are your make it through work essentials? I'll list mine too in the comments, join in the fun!

This is why kids need Santy.


In a previous post, and as I still try to exercise my demons from xmas past, I talked about how the absence of Santy Claus affected me. The following is a news article in which a little girl writes a letter to Santa Claus and discloses that she'd been molested, for years. The letter led to the capture of her abuser. Kids need Santy!

This concludes my commentary alert. Thank You.
"Can't run forever, especially my out of shape a$$..."

As much as I am an obsessive blog writer, I also am an obsessive blog reader. There are many blogs that I read on a daily basis, or I should say whenever they are updated. So the blogs on my blogroll to the right, I really do read. The whole network of bloggers is an awesome thing I have become a part of. I have done some serious networking, met e-friends that became real friends, and have gotten my voice out in a way I never could have imagined. The thing that blogs and the "inna-nets" have done that mean the most are INSPIRE. One such example is a post on the Coming of Age : "Find Your Passion and Run With It". Definitely go check it out. One thing that the blog made me think of is how no matter how much I run from what I love, it still seems to track me down like a stalker ex-boyfriend, yeah, it's that serious. My bad, had a flashback, but I am back on track now. But really, I think of ways I sidestepped my passion and something kept nudging me back into the game. This was my comment to her blog, and really go read it, it is an awesome post.

Writing and performing poetry is my deepest love. I am so glad I finally am taking steps to make it part of my everyday and eventually career. I neglected writing for a long time, but it always found its way back. No lie, it 'bumrushed' my life, I would have my mama ask me to pen a quick little something for a program, or I would cleverly string words together to help a friend down in the dumps, or even asked to word a resume or letter just right for someone to evoke a certain mood.... all of that to say, poetry & writing would not leave me, so I finally stopped shooing it away. Great post, I think I will take this comment and blog it... you so inspiring and sh*t, lol

eysqueen adds: we had a conversation yesterday about a book I'm reading that is supposed to help me stay motivated creatively. The book said something about God giving us the gift of creativity and that our purpose was to use it. So I paraphrased the book by saying that basically everytime we step away from our art, we are dissing God. My partner Alise promtply quoated a line from the color purple: "I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it. " If our art/creativity were the color purple, and we continue to walk by that field and never take notice, all of the sinning in the world wont have nothing on the flat out disrepect we are showing in our actions or ambivilance. We will never get into heaven at this rate....

*Nice blast from the past....*

Toni Morrison on NPR

The other day as I was making my monthly trek across 3 states to see my SO, I tuned into NPR. I admit that I look forward to the drive because I know I will have hour after hour of uninterrupted NPR time. One of the few pleasures radio has maintained. This weekend on NPR, Toni Morrison was on discussing her new book Mercy. Now anyone who has attempted read any of Morrison’s books or has seen Beloved, already knows it can be challenging. Morrison adds a different perspective to various events that happen to people. She takes a story, flips it upside down, then goes around the corner, stoops down, and views it from that angle, then she runs to her computer and types it up. And although I may not always get her perspective, I can appreciate the imagination and creativity that goes into it.

On the radio she was asked about her opinion about a certain person, who will remain nameless because I don’t want you guys to get distracted by the potential propaganda of the whole thing. Instead I want to focus on the word she used to describe this person. She said this person had “wisdom”. She said that wisdom wasn’t necessarily an accumulation of knowledge or something gained by spending many years on earth, but rather a kind of ingrained genius, something you are born with and are able to use to your advantage. -- I’m totally paraphrasing all of this and hopefully I’m doing it some justice.-- It is how you problem solve and the means by which you get something done. I thought this was an interesting perspective. She wasn’t trying to redefine wisdom, she just put a spin on it, or rather she opened my eyes to an additional view of the concept of wisdom.

It made me think of when we say a child or young person is wise beyond their years, or that a young person has an old soul. I’ve met people who haven’t been around long, but carry with them a keen sense of how things operate and are able to cope or approach problems with a depth of knowledge that belays their accumulated years of experience.

So I give a shout out to Toni Morrison for keeping me on my toes, I may have to invest in Mercy when it hits the stores. I would also like to give praise to Paradise, a book that really spoke to me by Morrison. I highly recommend it.

Thanks Toni.

What’s up with me and lunch?

*some things never change*

WARNING: vent session

I have a problem with lunch time secret stans also known as haters. People who want so bad to be part of the crowd but fell asleep during social interaction 101 and cant figure out a way to join the group so they throw hate my way.

Real life example #1 out of 562

At my job before the job I had before this one ;) I had a lady hate on me so much that she complained to our bosses boss about who I went out to lunch with. Since I was new at my job and only knew one person, guess who I had lunch with all the time, yes folks that one person I knew. I got called into my bosses boss’s office and was told that I couldn’t have lunch with my friend anymore. I couldn’t make this up ya’ll, really I couldn’t. There were some very real racial undertones to the whole thing as well, but rednecks, I mean racism aside it still had the same result, some bs.

Real life example #1a out of 562

At the same job, as the staff turned over, we got some more people closer to my age. I still refused to eat with the group, I couldn’t stand their lunchtime conversation so I stayed to myself. As the younger folks came on board, they too were dismayed at the lunchtime convo and chose to eat by themselves as well. The same lady then proceeded to say really mean and ugly things to them whenever she had the chance. A lady twice our age. hmmmmmm haters.

Real life example #2 out of 562

At my present job, I have folks who will hear us laughing in our designated area for eating lunch, open the door, state to us that we are really loud and that they could hear us all the way down the hall, then walk out leaving the door open. Really? Is that how grownups (they at least 10 yrs older than me) behave?

All of these people really want to be invited to the group. They really want in on the crowd. But what these people fail to realize is that there IS NO GROUP. That there is no club or secret handshake, walk yourself up to the table and sit down and we promise we wont make you leave. Good grief, I’m too old to be coddling adults. What is the problem?!

alise pops her head in: Speaking of lunch, peep "The Wire's" infinite wisdom about Chicken McNuggets, it is "The Wire" Friday's ya know...

I want my Santy back.

Once upon a time there was a little black girl growing up in the inner city. This little black girl’s family didn’t have much, but they had each other and that’s what mattered most to her. Growing up in the inner city can be quite challenging and being naïve could equate to a short, messed up life for a kid. So her parents decided to break her in early with a poignant reality check, no lil T there is no Santa Claus.


There is no Santa Claus, he’s just a made up character, a symbol of everything commercialized and evil in this country. Xmas is the corporate man’s holiday made to make people spend all of their money and worship a fat white guy in a red suit.

but what about baby Jesus and the wise men and stuff???

We can still celebrate the birth of Christ without worshiping the fat man.

and Rudolph?????

That would border on animal cruelty IF he were real, which he isn’t, and reindeer can’t fly.

And there began the scar that would stay with me, I mean the little black girl, FOREVER! Because for me, I remember believing so hard in Santa Claus that I thought I could really hear him on our roof. We didn’t have a chimney, but I knew Santy would make a way because I believed in magic and all things magical. I believed that it was possible for him to make it to all the children, especially the poor children who didn’t have anything and give them a little holiday cheer. I believed in impossible things and had no problem with that, I never worried. For me, Santy was my childhood equivalence to having faith. And my parents, in trying their best to prepare me for what was really going on, snatched the idea of faith of way. Then grandma would send me to Sunday school where they tried to re-instill that concept of faith in me once again, but I rejected it. I really didn’t believe anything an adult told me unless I could see it for myself, and since you cant see faith, well you can just imagine how this process went.

Eventually I got my faith back, I started to believe in miracles, higher powers and such intangible things. But really I want my Santy back. I want my unwavering belief in something inexplicable back. I want to believe in someone who has the best interests of all. I want to have these beliefs without a shadow of doubt, I want that child like imagination and ability to believe fully with no hindrances. I want my Santy back.
The man got me down today, having the nerve to make me work, so today I will post a throwback blog that I absolutely love, please enjoy & comment if you'd like.

Originally posted 9/3/08:

This post has nothing to do with anything, but was inspired by this random as hell convo Tiha and I had yesterday after reading a post from craigslist,so just bear with my silliness! Let's just call it an early random Thursday, if ya gona be random you might as well be consistently random, that makes no sense so I am gonna shut up and just get to the damn blog......Here is part of the convo:

T 2U: i'm filling out ridiculously long applications
Alise: ugh, applications
T 2U: i think you shouldnt have to give all this info until they have an interest
in you
Alise: if (and when) I have my own business there will be no applications
Alise: you'll have to send me the link to your blog and send me a playlist of your favorite songs
Alise: to work at the "Incense & Shit Emporium"

T2U: All that from the craigslist post I sent you?
Alise: inspiration comes in weird ways
Alise: and from weird people

T 2U: thanks

I arrive at work and sit in my ergonomically f*cked swivel chair, turn on the CPU and begin the monotony that is WORK. But on this day the Cucicle Crusader forgot her Starbucks, d'oh, so she's feeling sleeeeeeeeeeeeeepy... she "rests her eyes" for just a second and this is what happened.... UnTrue Story...

Okay, cue the smoke machine and gentle harp.... actually just press play and enjoy the nice song
"Dreams", by Little Brother

.... (Peep the chorus, "Mama I got dreams, but dreams don't keep the lights on...")

Wait, I 'll be right back we have to have a meeting on whether the smoke machine is in the budget......

tick tock....
Ok I'm back.... but suddenly I notice that I am on the corner of Moreland and Euclid (Little 5 Points, ATL). I guess I'm not in Kansas North-Cacalacky anymore... works for me. And I am reciting poetry (shameless plug poem here:

)with a guitar and Tiha is behind me with a tambourine doing adlibs like Jeezy. I glance back in the storefront window and notice my locs are bright red and wild, there is an piercing in my eyebrow, and I have on a thousand different colors and the baddest shoes on the face of the planet, yeah planet..... I look up at the sign in the storefront window: "Alise's Liquor, Incense & Shit Emporium"... (ALISE)... Word! I own this shit! A sista walks past after noticing the Help Wanted sign in the window and asks me for an application... but this ain't no motherfriggin cubicle, so I politely to ask her to write down the link to her blog and to send me a sample playlist of all her favorite songs, if that ain't a judge of character then I don't know what is! The crackberry rings playing "Hip Hop" by dead prez as the ringtone........and... and.. and....

"Ring, ring", jolted from a fabulous daydream Alise answers the phone.... the voice on the other end says, "Are you coming to the production meeting?"....le sigh......

To quote the great poet Shawn Carter:
Look, I'm on my grind cousin, ain't got time for frontin'
Sensitive thugs, y'all all need hugs

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I also work part time at a drug store. Well, yesterday I had to go a store meeting, (grrrrrrr, meetings), and I swear it was the most entertaining meeting I have ever been to. Let me introduce you to the two characters who provided me eternal joy:

Shift Supervisor (SS) - 40-ish black lady of short stature, sharp tongued, no nonsense, the epitome of a "I don't care what the fu*k you think" person, but weirdly she is silly and funny as hell to me.

Regla Ol' Cashier Gal (ROCG) - White trash gal, looks about 30, but is 23. She is getting trained to be the photo supervisor, which was the shift supervisor's old position .

SS and ROCG bump heads on the daily, and it is hil-funny-larious as hell. ROCG is tragic and has been garnering sympathy from the head manager and other coworkers by saying she is being mistreated by SS (but in every other situation plays like she is super thug). In fact everyone in the store had tried to get that sympathy saying how overbearing and her attitude.... everyone EXCEPT myself and one other coworker. Do you know why? Instead of being a punk and allowing people with strong personalities (read: bitches) to continually talk to me badly or try to intimidate me, I tell them what they are doing and how I feel about it. I don't go crying to the manager. I also know that no retail job will ever be sunshine, rainbows, glitter, & sh*t, so I don't go in with high expectations anyway. I only bumped heads with SS one time, count 'em: 1 time, and in that same day I calmly went to her and told her I didn't like it and I was grown too and we have been cool as fan ever since. Why can't people do that before running to a manager or acting all punkish and crying? This made me think of a poem by a poet I love more that anything in this world: me.... lol... here goes:

Be careful of what you don't ask for…
You might not get it..
Closed mouths don't get fed
(Commonly true with minds as well)
Though I am very literate and quite the bookworm,
I still cannot read your mind.
So say what you mean…
Mean what you say…
Backbones are pretty cheap these days,
…….even with inflation and all.

How do you deal with these types of characters?

40-Degree Days

Yes, now, officially, until I decide for no reason to make it unoffical we will have "The Wire Fridays", because.... well, because I can. :) In the below clip listen to Stringer Bell describe the concept of 40 Degree Days.

*Clip Contains Explicit Language*

Damn right, no one cares about a 40-Degree day, and right now my days and weeks have been quite forgettable. I haven't been making the progress or strides I need to to fully change my situation. I have had to be more self-aware and "self-truthful" and curse and yell at myself like Stringer Bell did to Slim Charles and other guys in the clip. I need structure to accomplish things (I think I am ADD), so I am making a plan to end my string of 40-Degree Days.

I will do the following:

*Write a poem everyday, even if it is only 5 lines, a haiku, or on a napkin, just keep the creative juices flowing.

* Keep being consistent like I have been with this blog. (I am proud at myself for sticking to something)

*Write a paragraph everyday of the short story that has been initmidating me and scary @ me (c) Pretty Brown Girl

*Read an author or watch a performance of an artist that inspires me daily.

*Hit an open mic at least once every 2 weeks and push the hell out of this book.

*Keep y'all posted on what I am doing so y'all can kick me in the butt if I start slipping...

So the question to you guys: What are you doing to end (or avoid) a series of 40-Degree days?


*Alise exiting stage left ASAP: not fail*

  • Bought an open box laptop to get a "deal" - FAIL
  • $300 suit & jacket - EPIC PASS, Bought "mystery fabric" blouse to go under fabulous suit - EPIC FAIL
  • $5 earrings - GREEN-EARED FAIL
  • Aristocrat Vodka - NAUSEOUS MIGRAINE FAIL

    All of the above examples to prove one thing: You get what you pay for. Lawd have mercy, ain't that the truth. If I was able to figure this out after a few non-life-altering fails, then why the h-e-double hockey sticks can't the MBA's and seasoned "businessmen" who run my company figure that out. I know I went to an HBCU and all, but I do know a little bit about a little bit. (jokes, HBCU's are the sh*t) Case and point, the production staff at my company are grossly underpaid. Operators that make $15/hr. + at similar companies make $10/hr. here, and very seldom get raises. Yet, the yahoos here can not figure out why morale and productivity are in the proverbial toilet, WC, outhouse, behind the bushes..... Okay, I'll stop, for now. They are even wondering why people are quitting left and right during a recession. Even if funds are low, at least show your folks some appreciation to at least give the semblance of giving a flock of seagulls about them. Seems like Business 101 to me, but I'm just a cog in the machine so I know nothing, silly me.

    *Today I am the Moody Gremlin, I'll let Tiha take a day off from being that.*

Career Sabotage, Plaxico Style

I’m going to piggyback off of a blog I read first thing this morning about the self destructive nature of favorite little game winning receiver. If you haven’t already heard, Plaxico Buress of the NY Giants (booo) shot HIMSELF in the thigh at a nightclub. Genius move right there, but the kicker is that he might get locked up for having a weapon in the club. I mean how many ways can you screw yourself at one time? Lets count.

1) I’m a celebrity that caught the game winning ball to win the super bowl, yada yada yada so everybody knows me, and is watching my every move because everyone knows a successful black man is an indictment waiting to happen. Let’s prove them right.
2) I bring a concealed weapon in to a club, because that’s the smart thing to do when I live under a spot light. Breaking laws in NYC isn’t the same unless I do it in front of everyone. And I don’t have the money to hire a body guard to carry the gun for me like Puffy did. Puffy’s not locked up, but Shine is…
3) I apparently didn’t take any gun safety classes before carrying this concealed weapon. I don’t know how to use this gun so maybe it was just for show, shoulda had the sense to take the clip out. No harm no foul right?
4) I shot myself. I’m an athlete who’s body is what brings me the big bucks, I practice, eat right, and wear nice clothes to protect my money maker, then I turn around an shoot myself. Career suicide in its sweetest form. I could’ve hit something important and ended my career. whatever.
5) Having recovered from being stupid and shooting myself, I now
may get jail time because I broke the law. Not only did I break the law, but I
brought in my teammate AND the hospital in on the cover up. Many folks are going to lose their jobs and get charges because I again failed to take firearm safety classes.

a 5 way fluck up.
What did Puffy say, more money more problems, how prolific. Maybe Puffy is wiser than I’ve been giving him credit for. Maybe Puffy is a good role model after all, how to be a black celebrity and a man and survive it all.

Break the Cycle

*I'm so witty and sh*t.... okay, maybe not, but humor me a little*

T 2U: i'm in an abusive relationship with my supervisor
T 2U: he shits on me and i take it because I'm afraid to leave
alisenikkole: wow, what a metaphor
alisenikkole: but your mediocre expectation friends (read: coworkers) tell you well at least you got a man
T 2U: they sure do
alisenikkole: and it will take you getting beaten severely to finally leave
alisenikkole: if it don't kill you first
alisenikkole: read: stress
T2U: at least if i die I'll know it'll be the end
T 2U: instead of jumping into another abusive relationship
alisenikkole: break the cycle
T 2U: i'm afraid
T 2U: i'm nothing without him/it
alisenikkole: girl, you was something before, and you will be after
T 2U: he/it has me convinced that i'm not worth anything
alisenikkole: that's what I am here for, to encourage you
alisenikkole: you ARE some-body
alisenikkole: you can do better girrrrrrrrrrrl
T2U: lol
T2U: i
T2U: can
T2U: do
T2U: better
alisenikkole: girl, your president is black
alisenikkole: that is gonna be my catch all response to everything

We were kidding around as usual, but Tiha kind of had a point for a change. When we put ourselves in situations that we have control over that are toxic, then we are in a sense in an abusive relationship. We will let these situations, be it jobs, friendships, or organizations continue on for appearances. We will let mediocre expectation having folks talk us into letting complacency continue to whoop our asses, but keep going back like a good little lemming. I went to a website to pull an example of the signs of a n abusive relationship, and I swear they fit the same profile of an "abusive work relationship". I will analyze a few off the list:

  • Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding. - self explanatory
  • Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships. - overworks and ignores the fact that you have a life outside of the job (i.e. making you work every holiday)
  • Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly. - you have the boss you are constantly trying please to avoid their adult temper tantrums
  • Abuses drugs or alcohol. - replace drugs and alcohol with power and greed
  • Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. - the blame game where higher ups blame the little people (us) for everything to cover their ass when shit hits the fan.
  • Has a history of bad relationships. - Blames you even though their track record sucks a big one.

.... and there were many more on the list, and they all seemed to apply. So like I told the Moody Gremlin Tiha, "break the cycle." I am glad I am finally starting to follow my own advice.

Oh yeah, buy my book.... pleeeeeeeeeease.... (see upper right hand corner)

Frost on the Peaches

*gotta love Google images....*

It’s cold here in the land of peaches and pecans. Not like Beantown cold, but cold enough to piss me off and cool my anger to the point that I cant even create steam. Throwing wet blankets, synchronizing rain clouds over my parade, whatever cliché you can attach to the weather messing with my mood, please proceed to apply right here x___________________________________.

I haven’t seen the sun for days, just the misty grey that
eerily reflects my motivation. Had I known the sun was going to go on holiday too, I would’ve paid more attention to it. Now that its back, I don’t know if I can still appreciate it. The grey mist has taken up residence like the dust bunnies under my bed. No amount of huffing, puffing, and blowing is going to get rid of it either. All of that hot air just moves it around. I need a high power vacuum for these bunnies and the grey clouds that have engulfed my soul. But seriously, I really do need a good vacuum.

*update: by the way, click on the tag Moody Gremlin and watch how many evil Tiha posts pop up, we gotta get her out of the cube fast.*

*Isn't this hot??!!*

Some Cubicle Crusader Stanning

When I am off work it makes me happy, so I'll take a couple days off from bitching about that place and share some of the things I love with you all. Below is a poet that Tiha and I 'stan' for definitely, enjoy our favorite spoken word artist, Marc Marcel, (I think Tiha has a crush on him.... )

Mediocre Expectations

*I kid, I kid, lol...*

I was talking to a wet blanket someone the other day doing my normal complain about my jobs rigmarole (Hey, they asked.). I also told the person about the blog and how I want to parlay some of the things I talk about into other ventures. I then added that this is a spot to vent and get the things I go through on a daily basis out of my system. After all of that, the only thing that she heard was me complaining about my jobs, and her response was, "Well, with all that's going on with the economy, you should just be happy you have a job." I proceeded to look at her like she had 2 heads and both of those heads had a jheri curl and my fist connecting. What kind of response is that? If I would have told her I was in a bad relationship and my mate was out doing ho-sh*t every night would she have told me, "Well, with the dating pool at least you have a relationship, you could be single." ?...womp...

After thinking about it for a while, I realized I used to think just like her. I had low/medium expectations. I was playing the game "to not lose" instead of "to win". My language was toxic, saying phrases such as: "at least" or "well I could be [insert bad situation]". "Not anymore," says Alise. (Watch out when I talk about myself in third person) Now, even when complaining, I speak in Portuguese a positive, high expectation dialect. Phrases like, "I can do better than this", "I deserve better", and "I will be the best" are often heard. Those that do not understand my uplifting vernacular can go in the opposite direction with their "At least I ain't been to jail" asses. Hmph.....

*Skip the video to 5:25*

*skip to 5:25*

MIA: Originality

*homemade originality

While watching commercials the other night, I saw an advertisement for an upcoming sci fi/horror movie with Keanu Reeves, The Day the Earth Stood Still. I almost screamed. Actually I think I did scream, then I grabbed a pen and paper and jotted some notes for this blog. Why am I so agitated by this soon to be released movie? what’s the big dang deal? I’ll tell you what my dang problem is, I am so sick and tired of nothing new being produced by movie makers. Of course this movie is a remake, and if you’re a sci-fi buff like me, you’ve probably already seen it, in its black and white form, you may have already read the book. And it aggravates me because not only are these movies remade(The Day the Earth Stood Still, War of the Worlds, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I Robot), but they are made worse than their original form, nothing is enhanced, nothing is gained, nothing is made richer by remaking these classics. People new to the genre or are just now getting into sci-fi walk away from these big budget disasters with a warped view of what real sci fi is. This new stuff right here, isn’t true to the game. It isn’t sci-fi, its commercialized crap.

Reminds me of what has been done to hip hop, you knew this was coming. People aren’t even sampling anymore, like Wu-tang and Puffy (the producer), they are just flat out taking whole songs like Puffy (the rapper) and Kanye, yeah I said it Kanye West. Where is the originality? I don’t want to hear anything else made by a beat maker calling themselves a producer, I want to hear musical composition combined with strong lyrics and interesting delivery. I want to see original plots and thought provoking stories with my sci-fi movie. I think the last good sci-fi/horror movie I saw was 28 Days Later (and the sequel). Although this movie sampled Night of the Living Dead, it still can hold its own. Yes it has zombies, but my goodness, these aint your typical stiff legged brain eating zombies, and the zombies weren’t all you had to worry about. I simply love this movie, but I’ll stop gushing.

Where is the originality ya’ll? Did we lose it in a secret war? Is it being held for a ransom we cant afford because all of our money is going to bail out Wall Street and the Big Three? I think our priorities are messed up. I don’t need a Ford, and I don’t trust the stocks, I want to spend my money at the movie theaters and on good music. Can we invest in that?

Hey, come close..... a little closer....

Guess what?

Come on guess!

One more guess...

Ok, I guess I'll tell ya......

I got a book out y'all!

I'll put the link up soon, it's a book of poetry called "Alise in Wonderland", word on the street is it is the hotness, but I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me...... and guess what else?

Cubicle Crusaders will have a book/tome of awesomeness early 2009, BOLO*!

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled programming..... :)

*Be on the look out


RIP MC Breed :
A blog we did referencing MC Breed earlier this year -
Is There Future In Your Frontin'?

"Gotta get mine!"... Word.Is.Bond. RIP....

This game is rigged....

*I am a beast, I can (and have) won a book with this bama a$$ card! *

No old school video today.

I have been trying to find a way to put "The Wire" in every conversation this blog and finally I have succeeded. (don't judge me) A conversation Tiha and I had yesterday about HBCU's led us to talking about our favorite college past time: drinking Spades. Then out of the blue we started talking about how life is a lot like a game of spades. The clip below is D'Angelo Barksdale explaining chess in terms of the drug game. I will attempt to break down the game of Spades in a similar but different fashion. Please enjoy the clip of my favorite show of all time:

Now that we have gotten "The Wire" formalities out the way, here goes:

*Partners Matter : The key to winning the game of Spades is having a compatible partner. Pay attention to the company you keep, it will definitely make or break you. Can't have partners that cut your books, not cute, that can get you cut in my hood. (I don't live in the hood, but suburban folks are gangsta too!)

*Bidding your hand: You have to know what you are holding (talent, knowledge, drive) and its worth. You have to evaluate in your head that some of those Kings are going to get in but you also need to know you can't always depend on those cut books, because your competition may flip the script and pull your trump.

*Just go 10, 8 is for suckas! : You have to take risks. Haven't you heard that scared money don't make money? That is the truth and right now I am going 7 and 8, knowing I am holding a monster of a hand. If my life were a Spades hand I would get ridiculed by the whole table for sandbagging and underbidding!

*Talk Some Shit: Not literally, you can't ridicule other folks all the time and get ahead, but you need to exude confidence. I have done successful "on the fly" presentations at work or have been part of last minute projects, and 90% of the battle was being confident, not letting the folks see me sweat.

*Renegging is Counterproductive: Integrity is key. You can scheme, cheat, steal, and lie, but when you get caught please hand me the paper and allow me to subtract your score. Have you ever seen the look of disgust on the partner of someone who reneges and the roasting that ensues. Life is the same way.

*The Game is Rigged: Sometimes you just have to realize the game is rigged, folks have been known to set decks and talk across the table. My advice to that is just keep playing, you will win eventually. Word.

And I also want to leave you with one more "The Wire" clip.

The value of education from a HBCU=PRICELESS

*There actually were quite a few similarities of the good things from "A Different World" at real HBCU's*

For those of you who have never been to a HBCU I’d like to take you on a campus visit. I’m going to let you in on a few secrets of what makes an education from a HBCU so great and precious. Maybe this will help you to understand why graduates (and almost graduates) from HBCUs go just about crazy when they see another alum. Maybe you’ll stop hating (for all those hates) on something you know absolutely nothing about and have never experienced. This post doesn’t come out of a place of darkness, this isn’t a post for the haters. This post comes from the oh so many times I credit my HBCU experience for getting me through a tough situation, or for giving me the strength wisdom and guidance to preserver. I love my dang school and as I type I’m trying so hard not to throw up our sign or shout from the top of my lungs our various chants. I wont start humming the song for the band. I wont start doing the chants from the cheerleaders. I wont even mention my school colors…nope, not gonna do it, because my love and education from my school goes soooo much deeper than games, colors, and parties.

My HBCU taught me that nothing, absolutely NOTHING is handed to you. If you want something, you have to get up off your lazy, momma will take care of it, spoiled ass and fend for yourself. If you want financial aid, you have to fill out the forms CORRECTLY, then wait in a line, a long line to turn them in. Put on some comfy shoes and bring a book (prepared me for the line to vote, going to the DMV, and getting into a club. I’m so used to it from undergrad that I don’t bother to complain, I already know complaining don’t solve shit).
I’ve learned that I AM MY OWN RESPONSIBILITY. That leaving paperwork and such up to the people in the offices is an easy way to get your stuff lost. The people who process paperwork are there to do one thing, process. They don’t care that you didn’t know which form to fill out, they don’t care that you didn’t know when the deadline was, they don’t care about you. They don’t get paid to care about you and your education. That is your job. This has made me a highly organized person who duplicates all of her important documents and is not too good to walk her paperwork form department to department just to make sure it gets to the right people.

Dealing with paperwork and financial aid has taught me important social skills. I’ve had to learn how to talk to people, from admin to professors. If you want something done quickly, you’ve got to know how to talk to people. Someone is more likely to go the extra mile for you if you genuinely say please and thank you with a smile, than if you have an attitude and think someone owes you something. If you look like you’ve put some effort into what you are doing, its amazing how open people are to helping you. Baked goods and chocolate go far too ;)

Going to a HBCU was such a departure from going to my all white high school. For once I wasn’t the only one in class. For once it wasn’t assumed that I was not as smart just because I was black. There was no place for those kinds of thoughts, imagined or real. We were all black and we were all there for the same thing. I felt so comfortable knowing that I was being looked at for what I said as a person, not as the black girl. We were free to talk about “white folks” and the janky shit they do without offending anyone because it was just us. Everything was culturally sensitive. I began to feel good for being smart, I spoke up more in class, I even sat in front of the class. By junior year I was co teaching with my professors. I loved school, and I never thought that would happen.

We were humble at my HBCU, I mean we didn’t have much, nothing was a luxury so we all really bonded over chicken Wednesdays and fish Fridays. If someone was going to the store, because only maybe 2 people on the hall had a car, people would get something for you. People would share what they had. Folks reached out to you. For those of us with no car, we made up stuff to do together, on campus, we worked with what we had and had a good time! Campus parties were the bomb! We didn’t have to leave just to have a good time. Sneaking up into the boys dorm wasn’t always about having sex. We actually went up in there, as a group, to hang, to really hang and chill as friends with no cars do. My HBCU taught me how to value what I had and make something great out of very little. And I was never afraid of the guys on campus. Most of them were really cool and looked out for us. If they saw us outside of campus at a club, they’d make sure we were ok, that we had a ride home. Because they knew we were fellow Eagles (oops how’d that get in there?).

My HBCU showed me what it looks like when a black community works together. And that’s something no one ever wants people to see. Through the good times and the bad, my HBCU was my black community that I could count on. And it wasn’t just blacks that went there. Every kind of person went there, although we were the majority. And of course were weren’t racist or discriminatory. We didn’t look at other folks like they were “other” they were Crystal and Cliff and Jason. They were students who happened to be white and Chinese and Hispanic. Racial harmony on a HBCU, what a concept.

These are all the reasons why I get so offended when people talk negatively about my kind of school. Even the people who went there who talk mess, I want to punch them too, because there was so much to get out of an experience of going to a HBCU. If you missed it, you missed something the lottery or the highest paying job could NEVER give you.

My hat goes off to my alma mater and all of the HBCUs who keep producing such excellent professionals. cheers!

We love our school! Eagle Pride! -Cubicle Crusaders

Ode to Tiha & Other Nonsense

This is a tribute to Tiha and her new Cube with a view.... this for you kiddo!

She's moving lateral,
It's a reorg
To a deluxe cubicle in the sky
She's moving lateral
It's a reorg
She finally gets a crumb of the pie!

Go team!

Okay, now that's out of the way, let me tell you what had happened at my job and our "reorg". It really isn't a reorg for one thing, I'm just dramatic. One of the people that indirectly work for me quit last week because she found a better job, that is awesome, I like to see people move on up and get a piece of the pie and what not. Her job duties are vital to various functions of my account, and deadlines are very tight. The powers that be at Bullshit Headquarters my job decide not to replace her. What in the ham and cheese sandwich is that about? So now we have to divide her 8 hours a day of work amongst 3 people who already have full 8 hour days during our busiest time of year, and none of us are getting raises. womp. boooooooooo. hisssssssssss. That is not hot in the street, boiling on the block, or scalding in the cul-de-sac. Needless to say I have been actively searching for new jobs in all the places I would like to go..... Wish me happy hunting!

No Adult 'Left' Behind

This blog will be short and sweet just like the author (*wink*). I'll introduce it with a short convo with myself and the devil Tiha:

11/17/08 11:00 am

Alise: In school they forced me to write with my right hand
Alise: and that explains ALOT
Alise: i do EVERYTHING else with my left hand
Alise: so my blog tomorrow will center around that

T 2U: how the MAN has tried to mold us into being right handed hoes?
Alise: there are so many diections i can go with that..... maybe i'll go left, lol
Alise: AND my first grade teacher was a MAN
Alise: coincidence? no sucha thing

T 2U: ha!
I was telling the moody Gremlin Tiha about a conversation I had with my mother yesterday about my younger school years. She informed of something I never knew, that I was left handed. She said that when I was in kindergarten and first grade that "those people" forced me to write with my right hand. So basically I have been getting "cubed" my whole life. A lot of things started making sense: so much of what comes natural to me has been attacked and labeled as "not normal" or even freakish ( as in a sideshow). The labeling starts early on in life and continues on through adulthood. I let people take things that are a part of me and convince me that I was the strange one. My goal is to let the buck stop here and just do me. The moral of the story is: Don't let a right handed world determine your future or you will surely get left. Word.Is.Bond.

Left handed people rock, here are some famous lefties:
Barack Obama
Leonardo da Vinci
Robert DeNiro
Joan of Arc
Naturally Alise

A Cube with a View

After all of my organization’s reorg and people shuffling, I’ve been moved to a new (to me) cube with an executive style cube desk and a window view. I’ve been getting snide comments by people passing by my snazzy cube; they’ve said things like “moving on up” and “big time now”. To me, I’m still in a cube. Yes I have a bigger desk, and yes I now have a window that over looks the MARTA train tracks and pieces of downtown Atlanta, the view from floor 28 is indeed lovely. But I reiterate, to me I’m still in a cube. If you put a dress on a duck, does it become a flamingo? Will it go any farther in its life pretending to be as pretty as a flamingo, or will the dress hinder its flight and turn it into an interesting, yet grounded penguin? I know realistically this cube is just where I happen to land in the reorg, and that this is not any indication of how valuable they think I am. I’ve lived in the land of cubes for too long to be lulled into any sense of security. But a little piece of me wants to believe that things happen for a reason, and this itty bitty piece wants to bask in my double wide cube and gaze lazily out the window. I’ll give this little part of me its window view, its scenic reverie. But that’s all she’s getting, because the crusader has work to do and can’t get too comfortable….

When I Grow Up......

*Alise looooooooooooves the kids*, this is today's Friday throwback....

Okay, I have talked on this blog about:

* How much I hate my job
* Things to make my hated job a little more bearable
* Where I want to go (or Tiha saying where she wants to leave)
* Inspiration and positive vibes
* Nonsense/Rambling

Yet, I have never talked about what I want to do specifically or why I would want to do it? Or better yet, what qualifies me to do so. Well today is you unlucky day. What does Alise want to be "when she grows up"? Funny you should ask...... I want to be an English teacher that writes books, plays, & poems in her leisure. (and a Vegas showgirl, but I am too short, I digress) That is a far cry from what I did become when I grew up. I know there is a lot of bullcrap that comes with being a teacher, but that isn't what this blog is about, so please do not rain on my parade with the obvious, I AM smart and insightful a little bit. I want to talk about why I want to be a teacher and also why I think I would be an awesome teacher.

- I am resourceful and can make a dollar out of $.15 so I know I could be creative with the sad lack of resources educators are given these days.

- I understand the value of the little things that can put a sparkle in a child's eye and affect their lives, for example peep this:

T 2U: why u so moody
T 2U: is it the people?

Alise: naw.
T 2U: the broken computer?
Alise: naw, but the computer aint make it no betta tho
T 2U: gotcha
T 2U: so what else you gonna write about?

Alise: i dunno
Alise: good question
T 2U: something distracting
T 2U: how about what you would do if you were president?
T 2U: new cars for all?
T 2U: vacations in aruba?

Alise: bring back the arts in schools
Alise: bring back the education in schools
Alise: i couldn't do much for education as president though ,bc isn't that a state thang?
T 2U: i think its a school thing
T 2U: and resources thing
Alise: i think that is why i awant to teach
Alise: there are some teachers i had along the way that really cared and were innovative
Alise: things that a teacher said to me in the 3rd grade i remember verbatim
Alise: I had a 3rd grade assistant teacher that said things to me to make me feel comfortable about wearing my glasses, and now I can relate them into feeling good about being different in my adult life
Alise: she made it a point everyday to tell me how cool different can be and she even said "The kids that pick on you now will be the ones when you grow up that are jealous and wish they were you" and she said it in such a way that I REALLY believed it
Alise: side note: Do you know I run into that lady every now and then in the grocery store and she remember my whole gubment name and remembers the whole glasses thing
Alise: Maybe I should post about why I should be a teacher
T 2U: you had big ole glasses?!
T 2U: ha ha
T 2U: ha ha

* I hate Tiha by the way*

- Contrary to popular belief I love kids, ("Martin looooove da kids"....see video at the beginning of the post) I just am not keen on babies and toddlers.

- I want to share my passion for books, culture, and writing with the kiddies, the way my 10th grade English teacher was able to get a bunch of my nonchalant, school hating classmates to do. That man was a genius and really sparked a fire in us.

- Middle school and high school aged kids are drawn to me, like PBG is the baby whisperer, I am the pre-teen whisperer. I remember I used to volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club in the summers (and tutored in the Fall) and those kids loved them some "Miss Alise". Those kids were probably the worst behaved children on the planet and were victims of extreme poverty, but somehow my group NEVER had any incidents like the other groups had, even the "real" counselors were amazed at how I was able to reach out to them and earn their respect. Imagine my fulfillment!

So, my loyal, lovely, lurking readers: If you are not in the occupation you want to be "when you grow up", what do you want to do and why? If you are, what is that occupation? Share, it's good for the soul and all the cool kids do it.

Have a great Friday! Peace, goodwill towards women.....