Help Wanted @ CC:IR Headquarters


*That's how I found Tiha ...


*How Tiha found me, still waiting for my check though....



I decided to have a little fun today. I imagined what the help wanted ad for my job would look like if it told the truth .... here is what it would say:

WANTED: above average employee to work for mediocre hellish (dis)organization. must be mentally equipped to enter a war zone in which the battle is futile. must be an avid meeting attender and scheduler. Benefits include mediocre at best health benefits with ridiculous coinsurance rates, flexible working hours (you'll be on call 24/7) and holiday bonuses (a Christmas and Thanksgiving potluck). those with self esteem, hope, dreams, and aspirations for greatness need not apply. Those with acute mental illness and illicit drug use will get first consideration. EOE.


What would your job's truthful want-ad say?
(I can't wait to see Tiha's and you guys ads, come participate, it's fun and everybody cool is doing it *wink*)

[Tiha Update]

Wanted: a backwards thinker who is efficient in
inefficiency. Candidate must have a worker bee/drone mentality, have the inability to make decisions on their own, but be able to make decisions in the place of leaderless leadership. Candidate should never question authority and be prepared to take the blame and all of the repercussions when things go wrong. Qualifications/Education: Must possess the highest degree possible for this position, number of years of experience do not matter, your knowledge will be minimalized at every chance. Those with integrity, pride in work, ability to be an independent thinker need not apply. Pay/Compensation: The ability to wear a badge with our seal on it should be enough, at least you will have a job. If this ad makes perfect sense to you then please apply immediately.

5 comment(s) thus far...:

The Pretty Brown Girl said...

WANTED: Selfless woman w/wide-hips, four arms and the patience of Job for position of stand-in BabyMama for two infants under the age of 6 months old. Preferable lactating (chocolate milk a plus) and posses the ability of getting things done by either wrinkling her nose or clicking her heels 3 times. Please be deaf and have no biological need to eat or pee. Super strength is required as the double stroller weighs 80lbs and the boy baby weighs 35lbs. Great style and beauty also necessary because you will be starring in a video feed everyday and you'll want to look your best.

We'll try our best to pay you what you're worth, but really...don't hold your breath.

NaturallyAlise said...

@ PBG, that was pretty damn funny, and sad bc I know it is so true...

KindredSmile said...

Ha! I love this idea...since I'm pretty content now, lemme do my previous gig:

WANTED: Mild-mannered doormat wanted for office management position at law firm. Duties include: patronizing paralegals, pacifying secretaries, and scheduling meetings for geriatric attorneys. Please note that duties do NOT include making decisions, analyzing efficiency, speaking, or management-related activities. Benefits include first dibs at food from leftover meetings and a marginally attractive mailroom staff. The ideal candidate possesses a degree in a completely unrelated field, and the inability to accept change. EEOC be d*mned, no darkies need apply.

NaturallyAlise said...

@kindredsmle.... lol@ no darkies need apply, hillarous!!!

Monica said...

Man, I do not what to give the universe any ideas, not speaking negativity into the air (I'm being positive, waiting on my dream job) and because at my current gig, my boss (who is awesome) sings my name every time he enters my office and weekly tells me how awesome I am, and wants to make sure that I am learning and happy---- I question whether I should do this....

But just for fun, when I was teaching the bay-bays 1st grade, I would have said that the want ad went a little something like this:

Must be willing to enter and stay in HELL on a daily.

Be willing to live in abject poverty

Be willing to have life threatened by evil midgets (and their retard parents)

Be willing to do the same sh*t everyday, knowing that the next day all the work you've done will be undone

I can't go on, I'm getting depressed....

Thank God I don't have to do that anymore.

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