What’s up with me and lunch?

*some things never change*

WARNING: vent session

I have a problem with lunch time secret stans also known as haters. People who want so bad to be part of the crowd but fell asleep during social interaction 101 and cant figure out a way to join the group so they throw hate my way.

Real life example #1 out of 562

At my job before the job I had before this one ;) I had a lady hate on me so much that she complained to our bosses boss about who I went out to lunch with. Since I was new at my job and only knew one person, guess who I had lunch with all the time, yes folks that one person I knew. I got called into my bosses boss’s office and was told that I couldn’t have lunch with my friend anymore. I couldn’t make this up ya’ll, really I couldn’t. There were some very real racial undertones to the whole thing as well, but rednecks, I mean racism aside it still had the same result, some bs.

Real life example #1a out of 562

At the same job, as the staff turned over, we got some more people closer to my age. I still refused to eat with the group, I couldn’t stand their lunchtime conversation so I stayed to myself. As the younger folks came on board, they too were dismayed at the lunchtime convo and chose to eat by themselves as well. The same lady then proceeded to say really mean and ugly things to them whenever she had the chance. A lady twice our age. hmmmmmm haters.

Real life example #2 out of 562

At my present job, I have folks who will hear us laughing in our designated area for eating lunch, open the door, state to us that we are really loud and that they could hear us all the way down the hall, then walk out leaving the door open. Really? Is that how grownups (they at least 10 yrs older than me) behave?


All of these people really want to be invited to the group. They really want in on the crowd. But what these people fail to realize is that there IS NO GROUP. That there is no club or secret handshake, walk yourself up to the table and sit down and we promise we wont make you leave. Good grief, I’m too old to be coddling adults. What is the problem?!

alise pops her head in: Speaking of lunch, peep "The Wire's" infinite wisdom about Chicken McNuggets, it is "The Wire" Friday's ya know...

Stupid Groundhog...

I am sure everyone has seen the Bill Murray movie "Groundhog Day", where he lives the same day over and over and over and over....... Well that is my life. Day after day I come to the Cube Factory and repeat processes (some that I have created, damn me and my efficiency). Here is my day: wash. rinse. repeat. Riveting isn't it. Please don't pass out from all the excitement, I can barely contain myself. Le sigh...... As much as I complain on this blog about people messing up or folks irritating me, I actually think I subconsciously love it. Why, you nosy people may ask? It breaks the monotony. No wonder people thrive off of drama, gossip, and general assholery at work, because they are bored as hell. Routine and order is all good, but jobs really need to insert some sort of fun or something interesting into the day every now and again. What are some things that you wish management would do to spice up your work day? They can be real suggestions of facetious fun... I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter, and I am sure that would entertain me for the day, help a sista out!

Intimidation through Silence

*Living my life like it it's golden silent. Silence is golden and shit....

In keeping up with balancing our true selves with our work selves I’ve found that silence is golden. Although Silence can be compliance as well as acceptance, I discovered a while ago that it can also be intimidating. When people, especially bosses and supervisors don’t know what you are thinking, it puts them at a disadvantage; they don’t know whether or not you are buying into their bs, thus giving you the upper hand. I’ve used this method of absolute silence (mainly to keep from saying something rude and degrading to my superiors) by accident really and watched as my superiors began to fall apart right before my eyes. They began speaking out of both sides of their mouths and waited patiently for a reaction from me. None of which they got. I figure why should I react in their face when I can blog about it as soon as their backs are turned, all the while saving face and looking like the cool, calm rational one. What are some of your weapons for survival in the asylum?

Is there future in your frontin'?

*The Cubicle Dance, it's bigger than the Soulja Boy, but even more annoying...


"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people. ~Tom Masson

Word! But any-hoo, here we go.....

Duplicity. Fronting. Soft-shoe tap. All in a day's work. le sigh..... Anyone who works for someone else for any length of time has split personalities. My dilemma: "Is there future in fronting?" (Shouts to MC Breed, get well soon, see video at end of post....)

UnTrue Story:

In the morning after sliding on my sheep costume and sensible shoes, I also throw on my representative skullcap (it looks cute with my locs sticking out the side, but I digress). The skully gets me compliments, in fact it becomes all the rage. (hot on the boulevard and shit). But then one day after a hard night of drunken debauchery the Cubicle Crusader wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, 10 minutes to get ready to beat rush hour, can't be late today got some bullshit to attend to an important meeting to attend. FUCK! Sheep costume is a little wrinkled, but it'll have to do, sensible shoes are at the door, so I'm good. Hop on the road and make it to Hell work in record time. Sweet! Seems like I am forgetting something though, but can't quite put my finger on it.... Step into work, head to the meeting, I can feel something in the air, it is thick like, like, like, me (hee hee)..... and then it happens Ol' Boy the Production Manager comes out of his mouth sideways, and without hesitation he gets the sista-girl, oh no he didn't headroll, attidude, eye roll trifecta..... Dammit, now I know what I forgot, that damn representative skullcap. "Gots to be mo' careful!"

All of this to say, when you show your representative all day everyday at work isn't the real you bound to skeet out eventually? I am trying to figure out how much of yourself you have to hide. Should you hide it to begin with? How do you reconcile the two personalities/behavior? What is the meaning of life? (Hey if ya never ask.... I'm just saying)...

This is what MC Breed has to say about it:

What say you?

Cubespeak: Meetings

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them. (Word!)

Cubicle Crusaders hate meetings like we hate Aristocrat swill liquor, Jim Jones (shouts to VSB.com), and papercuts. Meetings were earlier defined in your handy CCIR Cubespeak dictionary/glossary as: a designated time and place for idiots to boast their stupidity (idiots need soapboxes too). And we were so sin-surrrrr... (shouts to Threats).

Let me tell you how the DAILY 9:30 am production meeting goes: everyone finally shows up at 9:40, I am impatient (but virtuous*), so by then I either show my disgust through rolling my eyes non-verbal communication or just leaving. But let's just say I decide to stay, the meeting starts with discssing the stats of all the upcoming, current, and late jobs, the prodction management (full of unearned pride**) is never prepared, this is what I don't understand, you are doing the work, why do you not know the status of the things you are doing? I am an account manager with hundreds of jobs/projects floating around in my head, and I remember all of them PLUS how to do their jobs, so why can't they? So then after we spend 15 more minutes trudging through the painful job updates someone goes off on a tangent about smething that does not concern the whole group. Please take that shit offline somewhere, all of their inane conversation and nonsense is cutting into my blog reading time***, geez.... (Jumping off of my soapbox, the air is thin up here and I got COPD, asthma, and shit.......) So to our semi-faithful readers (lol) tell us about your meetings or how you cope with it all?

Go Team!

*patience: In his Devil's Dictionary Ambrose Bierce describes patience as 'a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue'.
** manager (except me): an idiot with *unearned pride
*** ...cutting into my blog time...

7/30/08

T 2U: i also want a cookie for not telling my boss to his face he was stupid
Alise: you get a cupcake for that shit
T 2U: had to bite my tongue, literally
T 2U: and i just said that the concept didnt align for its purpose
Alise: nice !
T 2U: but if course u know he didnt get it
T 2U: lol
Alise: that's how stupid works
Alise: so stupid that you dont know someone is calling you stupid
T 2U: ha!
T 2U: so true
T 2U: and then after all that, he cut into my blogging time
T 2U: and thats just wrong

Now this is a cool ass meeting! CMB! CMB!:

Office Culture

Today's cube speak word/topic of the day is 'office culture'.

Office culture is the social context in which work and other interactions take place. It's "the way things get done around here," in other words. It's the on-the-ground expression of the values, routines, and practices that govern not just work (the way policies and procedures do), but the interactions that people have while they're working....

My major office culture dynamics that irk me to no end are:

* The " this is how we have always done it" office, Le sigh. Yeah, and people that look like me used to be slaves too, but they decided to switch that sh*t up eventually too..

* The Micro-managed office Nothing is worse than an idiotic despot over the shoulder watching and dictating your every move but then asking you for a 'task list' like you are in 4th grade .... Trust your employee, why would you hire someone that you didn't trust to do the job anyway???

* The estrogen filled office - This is by far the worst of all the offices (sorry fellow chicks) because 9 times out of 10 a female boss along with her fellow henchman the other female support staff are über-bitches... (I love the word über because of the umlaut... sorry I am very distractable/random/special ed) And I understand the bitchiness to a point because you have to prove yourself to your male counterparts, blah blah, blah, but understanding it does not make it more tolerable at all. period.

What office cutural behavior/dynamics bother you or are you a part of?

Cubicle Glossary, 'Cubespeak' if you will

cubicle, noun
1. breeding ground for contempt
2. cage for guerillas
3. cage for gorillas

meeting, noun
a designated time and place for idiots to boast their stupidity (idiots need soapboxes too)

promotion, noun.
more work and title extension for less pay

manager , noun i guess
an idiot with *unearned pride

*8/5/08

T 2U: any new fantasmic poems in the works?
T 2U: i'm going to need you to produce more and faster (mimicking my boss and the establishment)
T 2U: (feeling stupid like my boss and the establishment, but too full of unearned pride to admit it)
Alise: ha, unearned pride
T 2U: can you even have unearned pride?
Alise: yes, it is called those pretensious folks living a lie
T 2U: ha! well when u put it like that
T 2U: and remind me why it goes before the fall
Alise: wait wait.... wiki pedia says: Pride goes before a fall is a paraphrase of an ancient Hebrew proverb, designed to warn that pride will often cause one to fall or fail. Another variant on this quotation is Pride comes before the fall.
Alise: good ol' interweb
T 2U: pride will often cause one to fall or fail
T 2U: makes sense
T 2U: too much pride that is
Alise: pride generally covers a multitude of sins

furlough (alt. sp. fur-looooow) , noun
little people taking the bullet for big-wig
idioacy [syn. bullshit]

raise, noun.
a yearly increase far below inflation [syn. bullshit]

Cubicle Crusaders, super-duper-noun
1. wolves in business-cassual attire
2. Time bombs with teeth
3. Cool ass gals (or guys) biding their time until the revolution [i.e. Tiha & Naturally Alise.... and maybe YOU]

Tales from the Cube: non-tech techie jabber

Don’t you hate it when you’re at the usual Monday morning staff meeting, and the resident “technical support” person starts to jabber ambiguously trying to answer a question from their totally tech clueless supervisor? I know I hate it. It’s like listening to someone verbally chase their tale, and because they throw in a few long or abbreviated technical terms, its supposed to all be meaningful. Meanwhile I’m sitting there with my non-tech bullshit babel fish chip in my ear, constantly confirming what I already know is true, they aint talking about shit! Mondays suck…


Por ejemplo (for example):
(8/6/2008)
Alise: yo
T 2U: hidey ho
Alise: how goes it?
T 2U: down the hole
T 2U: how bout u?
Alise: I just died and went to acronym Hell
Alise: I had one of those technical meetings
T 2U: a mtg about GUIs and LAN/WAN for the COO who cant figure out how to use the wsywg
Alise: HA!