Oxy and Morons

I think I have entered another dimension, truly we are in our last days. I keep having experiences that are out of this world, hot oxymoronic otherwordly weirdness (click for example) . Remember yesterday I told you about the thuggery in the LIBRARY... well last night I saw someone studying at the bar. Not a restaurant that happened to have a bar, not an oxygen bar, not a salad bar, not a candy bar.... it was at a sports bar/pool hall. I am chilling at the bar drinking my Heineken (it was the special, yay-ee-yay!) with my homegirl Curly. We are playing the most addictive bar game in history. (see pic at the end) Out of my good ol' peripheral I spy a chick with index cards on the bar. Curly shouts "Oh shit, is that a trivia game??!! Sweet!" the chick responds, "No, these are flash cards, I take the GRE tomorrow. Pray for me y'all!" *awkward pause* I say "Ummmm, uh-ruh-yeah, good luck with that." Who studies at the bar? No really, who does that? I am going to pray for her, but not for the test, I pray for her sobriety and wish real hard that her family does an an Intervention so I can see it on A&E and say, "Ooooooh I know her!" I had to share this with you guys beause it bugged me out... Have a great weekend!

*this game is electric crack*

Random Thursday: Drugs are bad mmmkay...

Yeah they are bad, but I am going to share something with y'all, but you can't tell anyone, snitches get stitches and I keep my blade on me at all times, that's how the Bull City gets down....but I digress... Now that I have gotten that out the way back to my confession, I'm an addict, with many drugs of choice, but there is one that be calling me (c) Pookie. And heroin, MD 2020, magic mushrooms, power, Krispy Kreme, and aerosol cans ain't got shit on what I'm hooked on..... wait for it, wait for it.... coffee. Don't you dare judge me, caffeine-heads need your support too, daaaaaang. Y'all don't understand, coffee, or as I affectionately refer to as my Java-lin*, is the only thing gets me over the high level of stupidity I know I will face on the daily.

*'Java-lin', like a javelin, bad joke, I know, I know, I like playing with words and shit... lol

Oh, but when it comes to my drug of choice I am strictly top-shelf. My coworker, who I work with that sits right next to me, and I invested in a coffee maker and bring our own coffee to the office. We do not touch "work swill", you will not get me on some ol' HR-Jim Jones Kool-Aid type of action, I will not fall for it! I know "we" are supposed to like free stuff, but this is where I draw the line. I have standards. However, we do rest the coffee maker on the Cubicle Sabbath - FRIDAY, hallelujah! Praise Santa**! And we commemorate the Sabbath by giving our tithes and offerings and building fund donations to the local Starbucks, Caribou, or some other corporate devil entity, hmmmmmm.... that is kinda like church for real. I need my coffee because I got a million things to do, I gotta go to meetings and stay awake, stare at spreadsheets without falling asleep, and write my blog all while keeping a smile on my face.... and anyway, "It's like a full time job trying not kill ni**as" (Jay-Z). So in closing, I need my drug of choice, management is not ready to see what my withdrawal looks like, it ain't purty, not one little bit!

**"Praiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise Santa!" -Jasmine from "The Boondocks" Season 1

A Helpful Coffee Hint:

*The best cheap coffee ever