Guest Post: "Reindeer Games"

It ain't Christmas, my name ain't Rudolph, and your Reindeer Games don't interest me...

Hi! It's AmyMay... remember me, "Theory Woman?" No? Okay... forget you, then. Well, Alise and I have been having mutual blog block, so we thought that doing a post swap might kick start our collective writing muses. (I stay tellin' Alise them heffas took off to the Bahamas and just didn't tell us they were goin', but I can't prove it.) We aren't entirely sure it will work, but, hey... it's worth a shot.

This time, I have archetypes and opinions on said archetypes. Kinda like theories only not quite. Theory Lite, if you will!!

Now, like the last time I wrote something that I contributed to this blog, I'm gonna take a moment to give a disclaimer: My brain is a busy and dangerous place. There will be trains of thought which take perilous turns, dives and twists. There might be derailments. Keep your hands and feet inside the ride until the post comes to a full and complete stop. Management is not responsible for any loss of life, limb or good sense. Thank you! Enjoy the ride!

So, normally when I blog, I steer clear of the workjob. I work in a profession where privacy and confidentiality are legal mandates, not just suggestions. But this really doesn't have anything to do with my specific job. It's more of a general workplace kinda situation... I'm thinkin' this one time, I can make an exception.

I love my job. I love the place I work. I genuinely like many of the people at my job. That said, one of my greatest pet peeves is something that I encounter almost exclusively at the workjob. A little something I like to call Reindeer Games. Reindeer Games are that boolshiggity that most of us outgrew when we received our high school diplomas and moved on with life. Yet there are those allegedly grown adults who revel in them. And I just can't abide them!

Reindeer Game: We're IN, You're OUT. This is self explanatory. Call it what you will... cliques, the in-crowd, the cool kids. Whatever. All I have to say about this is, if you have to work at convincing me you're cool.... well, you're not. Sorry to break it to you, Sparky.

Reindeer Game: I know important people around here! Ummmm... so? If you suck at your job, but you know someone in an office, well.... hun, you still suck at your job, and I still don't respect you. Now what?

Reindeer Game: If I look busy, people will think I actually do stuff around here! Yeah. Go saddown. You ain't foolin' NO.BODY!! But if it helps you sleep at night, knock yourself out!

Reindeer Game: I work hard at getting out of work! This one is closely related to the last one. But I genuinely don't understand the point. If you play this Reindeer Game, I'm thinkin' you need more people.

Reindeer Game: I take credit for stuff I didn't do. Nothing funny. You suck. That is all.

Reindeer Game: I live to stir the pot. If your life is so empty and boring that you must instigate drama in the lives of those around you... *smh* All I can say to that is Karma is a bitch, and Hell is hot!

I'm sure I haven't but scratched the surface. What are some of your favorite Reindeer Games? What kind of workplace shenanigans get your blood pressure up? Share with the class!

P.S. I hope you will join me in encouraging Naturally Alise and Eyesqueen to come out of hibernation!! I been missin' them chicks!!

P.S.S. The post is now at a halt. Feel free to move about the blog!

visit Amy at: http://www.amymaysumthin2say.blogspot.com/

Theories, Conspiracy & Otherwise: Tiha's Theory

Tiha’s Conspiracy: Education is a craps game.

Let me preface this post by saying that I am a huge supporter of education, I am one of those multi-M.A. having mofos and one of em is in education.

But I also know that there is more than one way to be educated and “book learning” isn’t the only kind of learning out there.

Which brings me to my conspiracy theory: “They” use education as another means to separate the haves and have nots. The ultimate plan is to have some with the power and wealth, and many many many constantly dependent on those few. Why do you think small business owners always get the short end of the stick? Why do you think they make it so hard for independent thinkers to achieve IF the independent thought goes against the majority’s consensus of what is right in the world?

Ok back to the point. They say get your education, get a college degree, you’ll make more money faster when you get out. But guess what knuckleheads? All that education costs MONEY. and if you come from no money and are still able to get the education, guess what you’ll have once you receive that degree? Still NO money, and a whole lotta debt, which will keep you tied to the man for the next 30 yrs of your highly educated life. Yes, it may be true that you’ll make more money than your degree less counterpart, but you’ll also have direct loan on your payroll, which cuts a sweet amount of the percentage that you take home, which means you and degreeless counterpart are bringing home basically the same amount of cheddar. Now this doesn’t apply to doctors and lawyers, because who really wants to be either of those things? If you don’t find this funny, you must be either a lawyer (or bout to take the bar, I’m sorry you had to sacrifice your social life for a career that allows you no social graces and people will still not like you) or a doctor (I really have nothing negative to say about doctors because they have their own share of crap to deal with, money doesn’t make everything alright).

Another point is that just because you have a degree, and are highly educated, don’t mean you are cut out to run a business or be in charge of people. Everyone raise your hands if you’ve ever had to work for an idiot…an educated idiot…I have a lot of respect for people who worked their way up through a company, that’s the kind of person who could run a business. That is being educated by life experience.

LIFE EXPERIENCE: you can’t take a class on that. COMMON SENSE: that’s not a cfas(go Eagles!) class either.

So just because you get a degree, doesn’t necessarily mean you will be better off. If you are poor, come from no money, a degree may not change that. Don’t let them fool you. I say do what you love! Do what you have a passion for. You’re still going to be poor in the end, you may as well be happy. If you go to school, go for something you like, this is coming from the girl with a BA in Art. Word life. When you go to school, be smart about it, get people to pay YOU to go to school. Work the system. That all!

Theories, Conspiracy & Otherwise: Alise's Theory

I have a theory that record companies are the devil. Not figuratively. I think that the devil and the government agencies have teamed up to brainwash the young Black youth. Think about it, what do they play on Urban radio? : Plies, Souljah Boy,Jim Jones, Gucci Mane, etc.. They play the same 10-15 song rotation ALL. DAY. LONG. Who listens to the radio? teenagers and young adults. What do young people have in common? they soak up information/messages like sponges. The result? Kids think it is cool to be ignorant. So of course the devil wants to further that kind of thinking. BUT, here's where the devil messed up, the white kids started liking the ignorant catchy tunes... so the plan was a little bit flawed, but still effective enough to justify the white youth falling to the side.

If you notice, the record companies do not readily stand behind any positive and/or creative rapper's musical projects. They will support just enough to give the semblance of good will, but that is about it. Have you ever heard of Blu, Tanya Morgan, or Kooley High? Don;t worry, I'll wait... Didn't think so.

So I implore my readers who have kids, please don't let them listen to the radio... I don't want them robbing me in 3 years and falling into the prison warehouse (I have a prison conspiracy theory too, might address that this week as well) just like "the man" wants to happen... Don't let the record companies/devil win.

These is where this post stemmed from:

[11:38] alisenikkole: it aint conspiracy to me, lol
[11:38] alisenikkole: everybody else is crazy, not me, lol
[11:39] alisenikkole: (spoken like a true crazy person)
[11:44] T 2U: lol! [11:44] T 2U: yes we have a shared psychosis
[11:45] alisenikkole: pterodactyls of a feather... lol
[11:47] alisenikkole: oh but my rap theory is that the record companies/FBI/gubment are all in cahoots
[11:48] T 2U: to keep conscous rap out of maintstream?
[11:48] alisenikkole: that's why the same 10 ignorant songs are played on the radio to engrain the simple melodies (ie Souljah Boy) into the minds of the youth...
[11:48] T 2U: to perpatuate propaganda that keeps the people stupid?
[11:48] alisenikkole: bc how do we learn?
[11:48] alisenikkole: repetition
[11:48] alisenikkole: Those songs are pneumonic devices for self hatred and promotion of ignorance
[11:49] alisenikkole: mnemonic*
[11:49] alisenikkole: but pneumonia works too bc it is a disease
[11:49] alisenikkole: that steals our breath and voice
[11:49] alisenikkole: Freudian slip much?

Theories, Conspiracy & Otherwise... : Tiha's Theory

This post is dedicated to all of the newly natural sistas out there. Listen carefully. Folks of African descent have been doing there hair with juices and berries for more years than your 2nd grader can count. Meaning, it is not necessary for you to spend a grip on hair care products. Yeah I said it, CD, MCJW, and the like are probably hurling daggers at the screen as they read this. I don’t care; I’m busting wide open the myth that you need special ingredients to maintain your naturally maintaining hair follicle system. Ask Jewish people, what do you guys use in your hair? Luster’s Pink oil moisturizer? Yeah I thought so.

All jokes aside. It is easy to get caught up in the hype of hair care after it being ingrained in our lil black psyches that we had to do a lot to maintain our varyingly curly dos. Although it WAS true that we needed a special blend of moisturizers to keep our hair lubed and tamed when we had perms, but that was because we were killing our hair by way of fire every 4-8 weeks for the sake of looking like…something we weren’t meant to look like. After your hair has had the time to go back to its natural state, all chemical torture having grown out, follicles being healed, I will assure you that some basic moisturizer, pomade, grease, whatever you want to call it is all you need. I say if you feel like you need to spend all that money, send it to me! I’ll hook you up with a jar of the goodness and send it to ya!

Another note, all things won’t work for all people, especially if you are mixed. This is understood, and I’m all about finding what works best for your hair texture. What I am NOT about is buying into the hype that you need to make a huge investment in stuff that is going to slide off of your hair and glaze your forehead and stain your collar.

My theory is that “society” has a huge investment in making black women/people believe that they need to spend a lot on hair care, that their hair isn’t as good without all this “help”. Continuously making us feel inferior to those who are ok just the way they are, no prep time needed. Natural isn’t natural if you have to have a specially concocted, manufactured potion to make it look right. Home made mixes are not included in this description. We are alright just the way we are, our hair is alright just the way it is, oh yeah, btw, some of us have hair that wasn’t never meant to shine with a sheen. It naturally has a matte finish, sorry kids that is the way it goes. The only texture you are brining out is the one you were born with, no enhancements, it wont make it more wavy curly or whatever. If your hair only does a half wave, that’s all your getting. Deal with it.

Don’t be a sucka played out by the man. Keep that money for a new outfit or a gym membership.

Theories, Conspiracy & Otherwise... : Amy's Theory

This weeks theme is personal theories and/or conspiracy theories. We will kick the week off with a guest post by my very good friend Amy. Make sure to check out her blogs: random and pressing details and The Attic of My Mind because she is pretty awesome!

"My theory on that is.... "

I say that a lot. Just ask Alise if you don't believe me. I have a theory on almost everything human nature-ish. I think I get it from my mom. She was an observer of people... dare I say, she was an EXPERT observer of people. She almost coulda been an anthropologist or a sociologist or some such thing. (She wasn't though, she was a hairdresser... which is a kissing cousin to bartender in terms of hearing people's life stories and whatnot... but I digress). I also tend to be a bit on the analytical side. I like to peel away until I get to the core of how something works... I must understand the form and the function, if you will. And I tend to worry at things until I feel I do have a grasp on them.

Anyway, add my Theory OCD to my self-diagnosed ADD, and you get an endless train of thought that jumps the track on average every 5 minutes. Which is probably why I love Twitter so much. In terms of blogging, I'm probably lucky to get through a paragraph before my entire topic runs in a diametrically opposed direction!! See what I mean?

Today, I have a theory (or two) to share on racism/bigotry. Now, before I start, let me first establish that 1.) with me, "theory" and "opinion" are pretty close to synonymous, and 2.) I'm a common garden variety white girl. The closest I have ever come to personally experiencing racism or bigotry has been on behalf of my biracial son and in his defense. I do not pretend to understand the feelings and repercussions that follow being on the receiving end. I'm just spoutin' off about what I've observed and my theories about the jackasses on the giving end. I've given the topic a lot of thought due to the fact that my son is biracial. As his mother, I must at least attempt to understand, so I can help him navigate the world around him. (At least until he turns 18 and is outta my house... but that's a blog for another day).

In the scheme of things there is a continuum of bigotry (this is my beginning premise). I think to one extent or another, every one has a smidgen of it in us. It's about knowing where people fall on that scale. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and make a sweeping blanket statement: If someone (especially a melanin-deficient someone) says they "aren't racist" they are lying to themselves and/or you.

With that said, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle... this train makes erratic stops and changes in direction. The management is not responsible for any damage to property, limb or mental health that may result from the following trip through my brain. Thank you and enjoy the ride.

First up is Mr. Blatant. He's the guy who calls you out of your name, to your face. He's the one who revels in stirring shit up and causing outrage. However, in a sense, he's the safest. HUH?? (Give me a minute, I'm going somewhere with this). He's a KNOWN COMMODITY. No shame in his game, he's a bigot and proud of it. His whole lifespace is filled with "I'm a racist, and what??" rhetoric and behavior. The point is, you can see him coming a mile away. And forewarned is forearmed. Clearly, he's on one extreme of the spectrum.

Next, we have Mr. Blatant's first cousin, Mr. Covert. His sentiments are identical to his cousin's, but he's a little more world savvy. This also makes him a lot more dangerous... he's the one who's gonna smile in your face and stab you in the back. He knows that his opinions and beliefs will be censured. He knows that he has to "make it look good." Unfortunately, this jackass likes to run for public office and shit. He usually gives himself away somehow, though. Be it through a slip of the tongue, or because he has a membership at some "exclusive" country club, or because he's just a little too willing to make excuses for Mr. Blatant. This guy is the first one to yell "reverse racism." He has spent much of the last 20 years or so hollering about how the real oppressed group is "white middle aged men." He gets nan from me but the side-eye.

Now, down the street and over a block we will wander into the neighborhood of Mr. and Mrs. Don'tGetOutMuch. I qualify the next statement by saying this: there is no such thing as harmless racism. The harm done may be unintentional, but that doesn't excuse the behavior, and they must be taught. These are the people that due to upbringing and circumstance haven't had their cultural horizons broadened. In other words, wasn't nan but white folks where they were raised. These are the ones who stupidly put their feet in their mouths, then jam those bad boys in far as they'll go trynna talk their way out of it. In their defense, a good number of these folks will at least try to change their evil ways once they realize they have evil ways that need changing. And not to rag on BET, but it doesn't help when the only exposure to a culture is less than stellar. And the Don'tGetOutMuch family usually gets their ideas about other cultures through media exposure.

On the other side of town is the Enlightened family. They are educated. They took Cultural Diversity, African American Studies, Women's Studies AND Comparative Religions in college, by gummy!! You can't tell them not a gatdamn thing. They will argue to the death that they have not a prejudiced, racist nor bigoted bone in their bodies. But they lie. Primarily to themselves. Just let's wait and see what happens when their little Enlightened progeny (who might actually be a little more enlightened than Mom n Pop) bring home a boy or girl friend who happens to be from a different culture. I'll tell you what will happen.... sphincter tone. The Enlightened's will suddenly turn into the tight-asses... at least until they have time to adjust. (Guess what house AmyMay grew up in....)

Next is my personal pet peeve.... the Wannabes. This is pretty self explanatory. Usually younger white people trying to jack culture to fill the void.... because, really, white folks,,, not a lot going on with ours. (Except for our penchant for doing dangerous and life threatening crap for no good reason... who swims with sharks?? I mean really...)

The thing with this group is that they convince themselves that they are sooooo damn "down" (word to Tanya Morgan) that they can do and say certain things with impunity. I'm sorry, but I don't care how long you've been best friends with Michelle Obama, if you are white, it is NOT cool for you to drop the N-Bomb. I don't care if your Black best friend introduces you as his/her n____, it is NOT ok for you to do the same when introducing him to your people. (And here's where my train of thought temporarily derails...white folks, ummmm, NO DREDLOCS, ever!! It ain't a good look for us...c'mon, now... y'all know I'm right).

Bringing us to the far end of the continuum.... the Reconciled To It clan. These are the people who honestly face the fact that racism, prejudice and bigotry are born of the fear of the unknown. They understand that despite their very best attempts and most sincere intentions, they will never be able to completely eradicate every last particle of racism from their beings. That does not mean that they won't attempt to continue to become better people. In fact, that's what marks them as different. They recognize the room for growth. They welcome encounters which broaden their horizons. And they feel like shit every time they catch the random racist bullshit that their human nature sometimes trips over.

I've tortured Alise with this theory before. And I'm pretty sure I didn't cover every "type" in this post, but dang, it's already long as hell! So I better quit before I get further behind. I hope reading this tome hasn't been too painful for anyone. I'm sure I'm bound to get a lot of disagreement on it, but hey, like I said... it's just a theory!