It's a new year and sh*t...

Things that we have learned in ‘09 that we will take into ‘10:

Eysqueen

Ultimately, the only one responsible for and has the power over your own happiness is you. No more excuses as to why I can’t be happy. It’s all on me. Not sweating the small stuff not only works, but has helped me maintain inner peace. Inner peace can be attained as soon as you stop letting the outer chaos dictate how you feel about the world around you. I see silver linings, half full glasses, and positive outcomes at every turn. I no longer give an audience to negativity. I am awesome! My friends are awesome!

Alise

In 2009 I have learned that it is okay to cry. I have ranted on this blog and on my other about people allowing me to just have my emotions... Well, at this point I don't care what others say and won't address that anymore, because if I need to cry, I will. If I need to laugh at inappropriate times, I will. If I need to withdraw and be to myself, I will. If I need to step on stage just to get attention, I will. If I need to write sad poems that make very little sense, I will.

My other lesson I learned is to accept genuine and heartfelt help and to learn to ask for it. Independence and all is a wonderful thing, but sometimes a good soldier's best strategy is to throw up the white flag and admit defeat. Then launch a sneak attack when the enemy least expects it. BAM!

Things that we have learned in ‘09 that we will leave behind:

Eysqueen

One person’s misery doesn’t have to be shared by me. I can be understanding from afar. Winter weight, holla! Excuses for underachievement, I’m so much better than the limits I set upon myself, so I’m leaving self imposed limits behind. I can only be as happy or as miserable in my relationship as I am as happy or as miserable with myself. So I’m not going to expect my relationship to make me happy if I can’t make me happy first. Leaving the responsibility for my self care off of other’s shoulders.

Alise

I will leave behind a couple-few "friends". I will also leave doubt, anxiety, and fear in 2009. Those are the only 3 things that have held me back, wait there are 4 things that held me back. Me.

Arrested Development

Tennesse?  Naw, not that arrested development....

I had a recent revelation: "You can not receive anything until you deem yourself worthy of it." 

What does that mean?  Good question. 

It means you can never truly appreciate the accomplishments, the love, or gifts your receive/acheive until you know you are special. 

Why can I speak on that?  Funny you should ask.

I have travelled my life wondering why I could never appreciate the good times. (You know, thinking the bottom will always fall out?) I discovered that that there was a flaw in my self esteem.  I have been battling for some time with feeling like I deserve success. 

Now, to start off, don't be alarmed; I am not being down on myself.  When I look in the mirror I love all I see, the flaws and all.  I think I am intelligent, kind, and funny.  Yet, I was having problems convincing myself that I was wonderful on the next level.  I couldn't see past all of the bad and traumatic events I have been subjected to in my life that taught me that I was a lesser person.  All those scenes kept replaying in my head and became a huge roadblock in my progression in life and love.

 However, I have ushered in a new pattern of thought.  A lot of this was spawned by a conversation I had recently, to where I was told, "You deserve more, you are worthy."  That person made me repeat that statement.  I replayed it over and over in my head until I started to actually believe it.  It has become my mantra.  Now, I know the possibilities are endless and I deserve every single reward that comes with it.  Now my development has been released, and not on any technicality, but because I served my time in regression and it is fine time to move forward.

Peace y'all...


Enjoy the video from Amel Larrieux, "Infinite Possibilities":

Life Lessons Learned: Mean Older Kids

I know this is about childhood games and how they relate to my adulthood, well this is a little twist because right now I am extremely angsty this week, and hurting. So excuse my bitterness tone. W ell, I remember a cruel "game" that was played with/on me when I was growing up. A little back story: I grew up an only child in a single parent household, but every summer I visited my grandparents in Savannah, GA. All my big cousins lived in Savannah, they were all pretty much the same age, and I was the baby, 5 years younger. It was actually good most of the time, EXCEPT when they would do something that has me kinda f*cked up to this day. When I would excessively get on their nerves they constructed some sort of game together to where they would pretend that they did not see me. They would walk around the house looking under beds and closets calling my name and saying, "Where is Alise?" Me, in sheer terror would yell out, "Look you guys, I'm right here!!!" This would go on for 20-30 minutes until I would be in real full out tears. I think about this often.

The tragedy of this story is now I really can't find her. And who is going to help?


*if my cousins happen to read this, sorry I had to put y'all on blast, some things a child's mind never forgets*

Life Lessons Learned: Duck Duck Goose

A delightful game where everyone sits in a circle on the ground and has one person, the “fox”, tap them playfully on the head delineating which one of those unsuspecting people will be named the “goose”. Once goosed, the elected must jump up and tag the person who called them a goose before that person sits down in the “goosed’s” seat. Then the “goosed” person starts the process all over again.

Fun times! Being noncommittally mashed on the head, in assurance that you are not the dreaded goose, who will be called into action, whether they are ready or not. This game taught me that there will come a time when you will be selected to step up and take care of business. It would be to your advantage to be ready! But at the same time, if you miss your chance, you may get picked again….or maybe not…

A part of me cringes at the idea of waiting around to be picked to chase the fox around. Ms. Independent likes to think that I call the shots in my life and I pick and choose which battles to fight. However Ms. Independent also knows of a higher power that really runs things and that she is to be the humble servant and just be ready for when he calls. So keeping the higher power perspective in mind, I would recommend to all to be ready for when you are called to be the goose and keep the foxes away!

Life Lessons Learned: Double Dutch

A huge part of my childhood was jumping rope. My elementary school was internationally known for their jump rope team. Have you ever seen the jump-rope competitions on ESPN every once in a while; they always placed very high. I was a part of the jump-rope club we had and let's just say, I was a beast. I'm not talking the schoolyard skipping rope for mere fun; I'm talking serious competition. Through the years I have never been much of an athlete, but this was something I excelled in (and I still do) and was serious business.

My favorite jump-rope activity hands down was double-dutch. I have made a connection to that love of double dutch with my love and passion of spoken word performance now, here is how:

• It brings positive attention.
• Other people are scared to do it, and think I am awesome for taking the leap (pun intended)
• Requires multi-tasking to concentration on the "moves" while also engaging your audience
• Must jump in at precisely the right time, BUT if you mess up you can start over again easily
• The rope turners are like the stage and the mic, I need to work with them to make a successful show
• It's hella fun!
  
• I am the sh*t at doing it (tee hee...)

*Durham, NC's own Bouncing Bulldogs*

So readers, how is your life or a passion of yours like the good ol' days of jumping rope?

Life Lessons Learned: While playing hopscotch in the dark

This week’s theme will be childhood games and the life lessons they taught us. Each day we will highlight a game we used to play and intricately weave their impacts on our adult lives. Enjoy!


Life Lessons Learned: While playing hopscotch in the dark


Hopscotch was a girly game, but I remember some boys getting into the swing of things too. All you needed was some chalk, a sidewalk and a few rocks. You took the chalk, drew out some strategically placed boxes, put some numbers in them boxes, and placed a rock or two in some of the boxes (for us advanced players). The object of the game was to…well hell I’m not really sure. But I will tell ya what I learned.

Some folks drew their hopscotch grid pretty standard, some got real fancy with them and they became a long intricate series of single and double boxes per line that could stretch all the way down the street. A sista would be dead tired after hopping one of those fancy smansy grids. Anyway, I learned that we can choose how we perceive our lives, we can draw it out, make a plan, and choose to stick to it, or dust it off (by taking your foot and stamping out a chalk line) and draw a new one. I learned that even when a rock is placed in a box that’s right in front of you, you can hop over or around it. Or you can balance on one foot and pick that sucka up and move it out your way. You can over come obstacles as long as you confront them, and not let them stop you by making you turn around or not play the game at all. I learned that to navigate hopscotch all you needed was one foot and some balance. God gave us two feet, you do the math.

Disclaimer: I’ve never really played hopscotch in the dark, just wanted to make it sexxy for ya!

Are you having flashbacks of recess now?