Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts


Today I would like to talk about something I noticed happening to me over the past few years or so. As we hurdle over obstacles in our lives, sometimes when we feel overwhelmed we take the time to take stock of what the heck is slowing us down. Is it our environment or is it us? Then we proceed to make changes. When we take a closer look at those self induced obstacles, we may find a nasty little emotion called “fear”. Now I’ve said time and again that I’m a warrior and I don’t shy from confrontation, especially when I need to confront myself, so this fear thing has really become one hell of an opponent. I’ve found that I have acquired fears from my past experiences.

For example: you may have been driving down a street one day, trying to take a short cut and ended up getting into a car accident. Naturally that street or any similar instances may bring up bad memories, but what if in your attempt to keep this terrible experience from happening again, you just stop taking short cuts in your car altogether. You turn into a main road driver and would rather wait in traffic than get off the main route?

This may be an extreme example, then again it may be right on point. Here is one from my own personal experience.

Eys example: One day, while I was young and spry, I quit my job without having another one lined up. I was in a situation that I just couldn’t tolerate (we already know I have a low threshold for stupidity), so I left, dignity and sanity intact. A few days later I got another job, in my area of expertise (at that time) and never looked back.

This example had a positive ending. However, I always tell myself that I’d never do it again. That it was just a fluke and the stars couldn’t possibly line up for me again like that. At the time I didn’t put that much analysis in it. I just knew that I was in a crappy situation and I needed out. I also knew that I was resilient and that I would bounce back. But now I’m at a point where I should probably be doing the same thing again, that I should be looking out for MY best interests and give a crap about my mental well being a little more.

In both examples, fear of the unknown has been the obstacle keeping them (us) from moving forward. The situations may have been different, but fear and lack of faith are glaringly obvious issues. Should the person in example one be able to get over that accident (with the help of counseling maybe) and not let one incident disrupt the ease at which they move through life? Should Eys have the same kind of faith in herself now as she did back then and make moves like she knows she’s capable of? Even though her(my) example was a positive, why cant she draw from it the strengthening themes to help her move forward? Why is it easier to believe that an accident can happen twice in the same way, than it is to believe in ourselves and our ability to persevere?

munch on that for awhile and holla back, these aren’t rhetorical questions…

New Years Res, yes its that time again.

Last year (2008) I’d resolved not to have any resolutions for this year (2009). However, in my effort to maintain my steely resolve not to resolute, I’d indeed made a resolution. So, there goes my f- resolutions post, swirling down the toilet drain.
AND because my blog partner and I had made the better part of 2008 a super charged effort to better ourselves in hopes of a better future, well of course we’d have resolutions for the New Year. I had no way of winning my anti-resolutive (yeah I made that word up) campaign.

So aside from the usual resolutions, lose weight, exercise more, eat healthy, save money, yada yada yada; I believe one of our biggest resolutions this year will be to kick fear, that self imposing monster, right in the throat. We are too young and too beautiful to be hunched over, hunkering down because of fear. Looking like the bastard children of the Hunchback of ND. This year, that week long kickboxing class I took last year is going to prep me for fear ass kicking this year.

What are some of the new and improved resolutions for 2009 out there? any fancy slogans? 2009 kicking behind…2009 is our time….

Greatest book ever!

We usually don't post on the weekends, but a chat with my very good friend about my favorite childhood books sparked this blog topic. My favorite book in the world, and my life guide is......





I had a huge bookcase when I was growing up, I have always been a big book nerd. I think the books I read as a child were probably the most applicable to adult life. Really, when it comes to life, the rules/guidelines are pretty simplistic. We just make things harder than they need to be. Here is a brief description of the book from Wikipedia

In this book, Grover is horrified to learn that there is a monster at the end of the book, and begs the reader not to finish the book, so as to avoid the monster.

Fearful of reaching the end of the book, Grover constructs a series of obstacles, such as attempting to tie pages together and laying brick walls, to prevent the reader from advancing.

Increasingly frightened (and also in awe of the reader's strength at overcoming the obstacles), Grover pleads with the reader to stop reading as the book nears its conclusion.

However, the monster turns out to be Grover himself



Is Alise just being random and weird, what does this have to do with anything at all? Well first off, yes I am random and hella weird, everyone knows that. Secondly this book made a profound statement, that what we are scared of in life is 9 times (plus 1) out of 10 within ourselves, or made up in our own mind. As I mention often, and particularly in my Fear post, is that I need to stop playing the fear card, because it keeps getting cut anyway, so I need to try another suit (I tole y'all life is a big ol' Spades game). And guess what? I have been doing better, I have stepped out to do some things in the past I wouldn't have even tried. I am talking to and networking with people I previously would have been too shy or scared to approach, and it is making a big difference. All that from realizing the monster at the end of the book, was just lil' ol' me (and Grover).

Take Me Back

*Take me back pleeeeeeeeeeease, I promise I'll stop fooling with these crazy nuts in the cube...*


Just like foolish exes, extra pounds, and old school mixes, my passions always take me back. This meaning: no matter how much I neglect doing the things I really love, I can always jump back in and get it proverbially "on & poppin'". It seems when I get back into the art scene or to writing everything just falls into place. It always feels right, so why do I run away? The answer is that fear we talked about on Monday and I already told you I am putting fear in a headlock ASAP. Sorry if I am beating the topic of fear to death, but the longer I say it the realer it becomes to me, kind of my Cubicle Crusader affirmations, can't hurt..... (Hmmmm, maybe I can write some cube affirmations... note to self...)
Enjoy the conversation and poem below:

Alise: i wanna write a blog, but i don't know what to write about
Alise: aha, by george i think i have something
Alise: ....****scurries off to the lab****
T 2U: what flavor is the bread crumb my little squirrel friend?
Alise: i found a poem i wrote
Alise: i'll send it to you, maybe you can add to it green squirrel

I love you poetry, but I have a confession:
I have neglected you, and you deserve more
I got caught up.
You know me and Corporate America started off as friends,
But we started spending more and more time together
And one thing led to another, ya know how that goes.
And poetry you were so kind to me,
Even your family spoken word and freestyle brought me into the circle.
Treated me like I was fam.
And what did I do to repay you?
I ducked your calls and visits
Ignored your pleas for me to come back
But now I've learned a valuable lesson.... balance......
I am sorry.... will you take me back?
T 2U: so what is the blog idea?
Alise: like i am the prodigal son to my passions..... you kinda slow today...

Fear II (on a lighter note)

Since we’re talking about fear, let’s keep this ball rolling. With Halloween having been celebrated this past Friday, we all got to dress up and be something out of the ordinary, something different. For some of us we may have gotten the chance to be who we really are. For example, my partner got to wear her horns to work, she revealed her true self as a devil. I got to prance around the A as a sexy hex throwing witch.

Sometimes we fear the darker sides of our characters, we want people to like us and so we try to present the best, nicest, friendliest front that we can muster. It’s easier for some than others. Halloween lets us dig a little deeper and let our inner evil show, at least that what I use it for.

If we could dress up everyday as our true darker selves, what would we be? I gotta admit, I didn’t step too far outside of my norm being a witch this Halloween…I think I liked it a little too much…

if I were you, I'd fear this too...

picture from http://www.gapingvoid.com/

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford

fear, [feer], noun: alise's greatest obstacle

i have many fears. lions, tigers, bears, loving you, capital letters & failure to name just a few. i have lots of dreams and desires that have not been fulfilled because of the "man" fear of falling flat on my face. this fear has affected my career life immensely. it causes me to only take baby steps instead of leaping out on faith and trusting my talent. so that leads me to take the expected or conventional path ALWAYS. i know i can do office work, be a manager, and be a robot part of corporate america. it is my safe zone, that's what i do, and for a while that worked and i was content with that. yet now i am not content with being.... ummmmm, welllll , .... content. i want to be happy doing what i want, even if that means i have to sacrifice my lifestyle or "disappoint" my mama and 'nem people who think they have my best interests at heart. my best interest though, is to push past content and live "My Life" and "Be Happy", I "Gotta Believe" in me , because right now i feel like "I'm Going Down" and "No One Else" can do this for me but me. word to mary. so in the next few months i am going to be whooping fear's ass making some big life/work changes, decisions, and steps regardless of my fear. some of the things i want to (and will) do over the next few months may make you think i am crazy, drunk, or high, but really i am just intoxicated by possibility, and who can really be mad at that? people that suck ........

picture from http://www.gapingvoid.com

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