I am of course referring to the main character of The Soloist, played by Jamie Fox who is working on another Oscar, yeah he was that good. This line from the movie was uttered by Mr. Ayers during a confrontation with the movie’s other main character, Steve Lopez, a journalist. He was referring to how he felt about all of the “help” Lopez had been giving him lately, and in his schizophrenic mind, he was feeling kind of used. For those who haven’t seen the movie, I wont spoil anything, I’ll just take this moment to talk about myself ;)

I feel the same way sometimes, that I am not an artist puppet to be used to produce works for the masses. I’ve recently been back to creating works, after a very long hiatus. One of the reasons I didn’t pursue a career in graphic design, what I went to school for, was because I didn’t like how I felt after creating a piece for some commercial entity. I felt like I was pimped. I felt like a used condom. And there is no amount of money in this world that would be enough to cover the loss of my self respect. Yeah it means just that much to me. So anyway, lately as I’ve been painting my little heart out, kind and wonderful people around me, who’ve seen my stuff, keep encouraging me to sell it. I’ve had offers around town to put my art in galleries to be sold. This is wonderful, this is great, but the timing sucks ass. I’m just not ready for all that yet. The world is ready for me, I see, but I am clearly not ready for the world. I still have my wounds from my previous experiences as a graphic design whore. I think I have an artistic STD (I’m Still Touchy Dammit) from all the whoring I’ve had to do with my art over the years. I would love to get to a place where I wouldn’t cry to see my pieces go, but as of right now? My art, my paintings, are like my appendages, and sorry honey, I haven’t gotten the regenerative thing down pat yet. I just can’t let go.

*starfish can grow a new one

3 comment(s) thus far...:

mootbooxle said...

Well you see, the game is different for me, a musician. I'm another kind of artist. When I do my thang, people can either get on the bus with me, or stand around while I amble on down the street...either way I'm keeping on rolling.
On the other hand, when I do corporate gigs, it's kinda like ho'ing my musical talents a little bit, cause it's not about the music, it's about the money, because my function is just window dressing, just the garnish for the dish.
I'd rather give my love freely to the world, but that don't pay (much). Instead, I let myself get turned out in order to make a living, so I can support my passion. I don't look at it as bad, I'm upwardly mobile! At least I'm not cleaning grease traps and mopping floors or putting up stock. I'm expressing God's gifts, and making a living at it. Somehow, somewhere, it matters.

That's about playing - about creating physical works, that's where we're different - visual artists often sell the actual work of art itself...I can't imagine letting go of that.
We music producers release a new single to the public, and they get to own a copy of it. You bet I've got the master copy, in like 4 different formats, backed up in several different places.
Musicians are terrible packrats.

And that's about all I got right there.


eysqueen said...

thanks for sharing!!!

ODARA said...

oh I definitely understand. I do art too and have NEVER been able to come to terms with actually selling a piece...yep I've gotten offers...but IDK it just feels like a piece of me would be missing if I got rid of my prized possessions before i'm ready!

I'd love to see some of your work!