*Profound IM Alert*

*We interrupt this day to bring you a profound IM alert, please do not panic.*

T 2U: my manager wont manage his people
Alise: you have an inept shepherd
Alise: how u gonna be scared of sheep?
T 2U: he's a sheep in shepherd clothings
Alise: but check it out:
Alise: that means the sheep are managing the wolves who are in business casual sheep's clothing
Alise: aint that some shit
T 2U: that sounds like my reality
Alise: word is bond.
T 2U: so i guess its time for the wolves to stop laying low
Alise: Revolution time!
(and speaking of revolution check this out: Project:Roam)

*Let's get this revolution popping! Operation Shawshank in full effect! *

I am sure everyone has seen the Bill Murray movie "Groundhog Day", where he lives the same day over and over and over and over....... Well that is my life. Day after day I come to the Cube Factory and repeat processes (some that I have created, damn me and my efficiency). Here is my day: wash. rinse. repeat. Riveting isn't it. Please don't pass out from all the excitement, I can barely contain myself. Le sigh...... As much as I complain on this blog about people messing up or folks irritating me, I actually think I subconsciously love it. Why, you nosy people may ask? It breaks the monotony. No wonder people thrive off of drama, gossip, and general assholery at work, because they are bored as hell. Routine and order is all good, but jobs really need to insert some sort of fun or something interesting into the day every now and again. What are some things that you wish management would do to spice up your work day? They can be real suggestions of facetious fun... I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter, and I am sure that would entertain me for the day, help a sista out!

Red Flags and Relationships

*PSA from Naturally Alise: Red flags even pop up in what seems like paradise, so we don't pay attention, but sometimes you have to grab the white flag and cut somebody your losses.*

Often in a group of friends we sit around and listen to everyone’s progress report of their dating lives. We share our experiences in an effort to get a cosign on our asinine behaviors. Every so often someone will tell a story riddled with red flags. The friends start to make mental bets as to how long the dating/relationship will last, and once the storyteller is gone, they start to anti up. As outsiders looking in, of course we can spot a red flag a mile away, its not so easy when you’re in the thick of it, but its not impossible either. Your friends may warn you, may point out the red flags to you, and you probably wont listen, I mean a big part of living is making mistakes right? (sarcasm)
Anywho, to bring this theme back to the cube, when we see things on the job with our employer that are kind of suspect, what do we do? Can we just walk away from the job red flag warnings? Can we work with the red flags, as we do with doomed-from-the-start-relationships, in hopes that things will change, just for us? Do we allow our friends to pass the pot, ante up, on the length of time for a doomed job, and then take that pot to finance our unemployment?
*Warning, this post is just silly for no reason , it is Friday Cube Sabbath , so sue me*

Well, at my part-time job, where I am an Hourly Wage Warrior there are all types of juicy drama. So I'll tell you a little bit about it, a little gossip , so everyone come gather around the water cooler.... I am gonna tell you the gossip through a convo from yesterday with my partner in (C)rhyme T-Boogie: (Also, two videos today, enjoy!)

"Rumors" by Timex Social Club

Alise: my manager at CVS quit... did I already tell u that?
T 2U: no, dang what happened
Alise: I don't know exactly, but it was all the buzz last night at work
Alise: he was a nice but socially awkward black man
Alise: he was one of those folks that repeatedly said "You see what I'm saying"
Alise: ummmmm, no, but I can HEAR you, please & thank you
Alise: if he worked here at the Cube Factory I'd probably be his manager !
T 2U: sounds like a classy guy
Alise: he just one of those burned out retail-manager dudes that can't believe at 45 this is where his life is.
Alise: Up and quit with no notice

T 2U: dang!
T 2U: I DO NOT want to be like that
Alise: I think he was about to get fired anyway...
Alise: he got a wife and 2 kids
Alise: side story: him and his wife used to get marriage counseling by my old boss at the psychologist's office, he don't remember my face though, but I forgets no one!

T2U: Wow!
Alise: yeah I gotta move, and soon, the Triangle is way too small...

The video below is for my homie-manager-friend who is no longer with us.... let's have a moment of boisterous laughter silence...... CVS will never be the same......

"Pour Out a Little Liquor" 2Pac

This season on top model they had their first transgender contestant. I was really rooting for this girl, I thought she was pretty and she was well read on what it takes to be a model. Her downfall? She ended up trying so hard to fit in that she faded out into the background. What made her so special to begin with, the reason Top Model called her was that she stood out in the crowd. She had that thing that grabbed your attention and held it. Isis was by no means your average girl, and that made her special.Moral alert: be who you are, no matter what others think you should be. What makes us special makes us shine, and its our shine that gives us purpose and meaning in this life. Yeah, Isis was in a cube, just like the rest of us, but hopefully she’ll break free and be who she was meant to be, just like the rest of us.

*Coincidence? I think not.....Cue the Twilight Zone music....*

So check this out, I swear the universe* talks to us. What language does it speak you nosy people may ask? It speaks Mandarin in coincidences. I know, you are wondering what the heck is this chick talking about, has the cubicle totally turned her into a raving lunatic, well it has but right now I am semi-lucid . Over the past few months things that I brushed off as coincidence, after further analysis, I have realized were so much more. Sometimes jsut small things, sometimes much greater. for example (of a small thing), My partner in (c)rhyme and I had the following IM chat:

T2U: since we are all inspired and sh*t, shouldnt the colors on the blog be a little more inspirational?
Alise: you have a point there grashopper
And about an hour later I go to a blog by The Comeback Girl entitled: "Feng Shui: “Let The Sunshine In”", and in one paragraph of her blog she discusses a little blog feng shui:

There’s even been one or two blogs that I’d like to Feng Shui with just a little light.The ones with the all black background......

Now she was by no means talking about me, but it struck a nerve because I was JUST talking about that. (And it will be a fun project for Tiha and I, we love projects**) And that sort of thing has been happening over and over again lately. Each time it happens it is related to something inspirational, related to my art, or related to escaping this cubicle... that's a trifecta I 'm not mad about at all. Nah mean? And speaking of sunshine here is a video about sunshine and sh*t...lol (I'm taking babysteps, don't judge me...):

"Sunshine" by Coko of SWV

*insert God, conscience, little people riding unicorns, multiple personalities, or whatever speaks to you.
**And by the way, we will be changing up the theme/color/banner of the blog soon, the Cubicle Crusaders are in the lab.... stick around!

*Triple Threat*

You may think Alise and Tiha are dorks, maybe even weirdos nerds... but we ain't even mad at ya. You know why??? Because brains are sexy, at least that's what I've been told a time or twelve two(*brushing off shoulders*). Today, I will present an interesting convo that led to the topic of sexy minds and what not, a short and sweet poem written by Tiha, and an oldie but goodie piece of mine that touches on sexy mind type of activities. Please enjoy, tell us what you think and sh*t....

T 2U: do you know what grinds my gears?
T 2U: when people cant do something and they think no one else can either
T 2U: i.e. some people are not tech savvy, i am-i have the gift of being able to read user manuals and understand because my brain is half code friendly
T 2U: but because the people cant get it, they think i don't have the capacity to get it either
T 2U: i don't know what that kind of thought is called, but it really grinds my gears
T 2U: i think its a generational thing
T 2U: i know if a gen x says they can use any computer application, they really can
T 2U: i need to be a manager
T 2U: shit
Alise: tell me how u really feel though, lol
Alise: I totally understand your dilemma
T 2U: damn boomers
T 2U: i swear i'm not great in my own mind, my own mind just happens to be great
T 2U: blog about that chick
Alise: hee hee!
Alise: sounds like the beginnings of a lovely poem
T 2U: sounds like an ego tripping poem
T 2U: but not about looks, about smarts

Tiha's masterpiece of minimalism, lol

i swear i'm not great in my own mind,
my own mind just happens to be great
my brain is soooooo sexy
all gray and goowey
oozing sense and sensibility
sensual thoughts verbalized as creative ideas
genuis bottled as grey matter
matter of factly packaged for success

Oldie but goodie (Click to hear the audio) ... it is a bit more sensual, but mindsexy nonetheless, and it is my blog I can post what I want and I think you will enjoy it. *wink*

“The Dictionary is Our Kama Sutra”

Please refer to me as a sexy nerd....
Attracted to the utterances of the likeminded .....
I am enchanted by creative expression
... simply said words turn me on...
The foreplay of your witty banter nibbles on my ears...
Arousing me with adjectives
.....seducing with syllables,
Don't get me wrong: I do enjoy the emotions in your hearts ocean,
but best believe the size of your word power matters...
You penetrate me intellectually ,
And my mind wraps around you.
Expressing yourself in positions I never imagined.
The dictionary is our kama sutra.
Poetry is our candlelight.
You illuminate the deepest caverns of my mind.
Conversation is our bedroom .....
I am not intimidated by intelligence,
In fact I want to be immersed in it,
Inundated until I explode....
I scream out analogies and idioms...
I pulsate with multiple eargasms
And after you cuddle me new concepts...
Lightly stroke my face with similes
Protecting me in the arms of your prose...
And we slowly slip into a small talk slumber.......

Operation Shawshank: Phase 1.0

*My dream office... hey I'm shooting high, don't judge me, inspire me dammit!*

Well I have finally gotten past the stage where I'm telling myself "I don't believe you, you need more people" (shouts to Jay-Z), first off, I have more people, I have been readng some great blogs lately and talking to some folks who have really inspired me or reaffirmed my goals. I finally feel like I am not the only cubester/indentured servant that wants something different, something more, and freedom papers (I'll take the ones with the dead president's on them please and thank you....) Please don't tell my massa supervisor I am all inspired and hopeful, I am sure they'll find a way to dash all of that, you see what happened when they found out I could read and write.... I jest. So basically Phase 1.0 of Operation Shawhank is Mission Positive Propaganda -(Mission P-squared, fancy huh?). This includes finding as many oppurtunities to gain positive, inspirational, and motivational energy. Gotta stay up so Agent Complacency and Commander Status Quo cannot infiltrate our lives once again (and those are some mean spiteful bastards). So my other Cubicle Crusaders and escapees ,especially, what are some great blogs, books, songs, events, or anything that you can suggest to help us out with Mission P-Squared? (My life depends on it.... and that's real talk)

Fraternization in the Cube

*Team Building*

I had a coworker who recently departed from the organization say to me, after reading my myspace page, that she felt she was just now getting to know me. There were quite a few things about me that she didn’t know i.e. that I was an artist, that I think I’m sexy, that I’m in a relationship. Basically she knew nothing about me, which leads me to think about fraternization at work and whats the cost. I believe in the separation of work, social and personal life. I don’t necessarily want my work life spilling into my social life. I don’t necessarily want to see the people I spend 40 hours a week with for any more time than that. I don’t even see my sig (significant other) that much. I also feel that because there is such a separation of work and social life, that I cant be who I really am in front of work folks or at the office. Since I work in a place that doesn’t represent me, my interests, or anything that I stand for, I feel like I have to hide how I truly am because the real Eysqueen is the exact opposite of the organization she works for. If my org were a box, I’d be an oblong bullet shredding the foundation and taking no prisoners. I don’t feel that the two personas can coexist.

I keep myself hidden from coworkers because I don’t want the worlds colliding. I only become cool with my coworkers when one of us leaves the org and I don’t have to see them 40 hours a week. I actually really liked this particular coworker too, I guess that’s why I found her on myspace and added her to my friends list, yes she has passed being just a coworker and is now a friend.

There is an exception to the rule though, that I think my cohort can tell you about:

Ok, Naturally Alise on the 1's and 2's. I have a coworker right now that is the bestest work-buddy in the world. To protect the guilty innocent we will just call him Angry Black Man (ABM). I will have been working at my job for 4 years come January and ABM and I never even spoke to each other until the end of last year. The reason why.... well there are a couple of them. First, he thought I was a henchman for "The Man" because I was in management, and secondly, I probably seemed pretty lame because of my whole wack ass sheep get-up. We ended up randomly talking one day about music and from there built a friendship because we had no idea we had so much in common (both artists, both angry, both pretty damn cool, both ready to leave this god forsaken prison place).... In fact, I think this is the only coworker that has seen me do my spoken word and read my poetry .... All of this to say, you can do the workplace fraternization thing if you have been somewhere for a while and have thoroughly scoped out everyone and everything, because the man is always on the prowl and the machine never stops running.... oh you don't know about the machine? good, keep it that way! By the way, ABM is also in on Operation Shawshank, so look for his guest blog any day now, *ahem*.... Oh and I didn't forget about the Operation Shawshank to escape the cube, but you know I gotta play it cool and shit..... Naturally Alise out...

R&B Amber Alert: TGIF

I read someone's blog today and they mentioned a Zhane song as one of their favorites, and it brought back so many memories... so in honor of Zhane and in honor of Friday Cube Sabbath here is today's R&B Amber Alert: "It's a Party" Busta Rhymes feat. Zhane. Thanks for reading y'all!

I’ve had the splendid opportunity to spend the week in professional development training. Which is ironic (someone please hit me with the iron already) because that’s what I do for a living, I even have a paper that says I can do it too. So I’m in a professional development class looking at it from a different perspective, but as you already know putting lipstick on stupid sh*t only makes its lips look pretty- some pretty stupid sh*t. This class is neither professional nor developmental. It is a supreme waste of time, especially since half of the participants have said that they attended a 6 day training workshop that covered many of the same topics…I have to keep this post short because I’m due back to class any minute now. At least I get to get away from the lunatics for awhile and get to hang out with my fellow soldiers in the trenches…

Until next time, keeping my head down, my mouth shut, and my stress relief ball close!
If it wasn't for prison and other unsavory locales I would be a murderous bitch !!!!

OK, today is a stray away from the inspiration filled Love-fest (gag) we have had all week, let us just say yesterday was the worst day at work release my job that I have had in a loooooooong time. I feel like I am working with children, but that is a hurtful statement to children everywhere (and Marty Mart love da kids) , so lets just say I work with idiots... and not of the savant variety... I gave a supervisor and her department SIMPLE and THOROUGH directions to complete a job for my account that I manage, and not only did they not follow the directions but did the polar opposite of what I directed... So simply put, I handheld a project and they still found a way to fuck it up ROYALLY (well wouldn't it be court-jesterly or T-Painly since they are fools, but I digress), and leading me to extra work such as incident reports, ass kissing my client, and correcting the mistake.... and that cuts into my blogging time, and you know how much that irritates me.... OH, but that is not even the end of the story, then we have a "town hall meeting" style of meeting bullshit thingy this afternoon, where the CEO bestows all this praise to the department and supervisor who are the department that fuc... messed up my job today, so I am just boiling at this point, but because of the nature of the meeting I have to keep the fake perma-grin Colgate commercial action.... The sheep costume is getting more threadbare by the day, I am teetering on insanity and may join in with the lunatics soon... BUT since this week has been all about the music and inspiration I will at least stay true somewhat and I'll give you my: pissed off, irritated, can't take no more, negro please, get a clue, 'bout to go postal (*my company prints, inserts, & sends out mail, lol), ack a fool, gets to steppin', yah trick, cut a bitch, pulling out my hair, smack yo mama playlist..... What are some songs you think would fit in with the theme? I'm always looking for additions and distractions to keep me from jumping off the ledge (even though my job is in a one-story building anyway, lol)... I ain't even religious, but pray for me y'all!

What music inspires you creatively?

As well as being a Cubicle Crusader and degree waving indentured servant to the dept of education, I’m also an artist. We artists have a need, almost like breathing, to create, but sometimes we also need a little inspiration. For the kinds of art I do, I use music to get my juices flowing and put me in a place to create. What music inspires you to create?

Eysqueen’s (#0220) Music Roll Call:

Dwele- painting, landscapes of pretty places and of places I travel in my dreams and fantasies.

Jill Scott- burning incense, drinking, and losing myself in memories of past hurts and tougher times. This leads me to hash it out on canvas, drawing about memories from the heart.

Lupe- this brother makes me want to write. The way he puts together words to tell stories inspires me to dig deeper to write my own thoughts and stories.

Little Brother- These guys remind me to go for my dreams and never let them die. We went to school with these guys and who would have known back then that they would have made it. So when I have a creative block, I put on some LB and reminisce about undergrad and alumni parties during the summers in Durham and I keep pressing on. (yes I sweat LB hardcore)

"Music makes me high!!!" like for real, LB (Lost Boyz not Little Brother) were on to something.

Naturally Alise (Java-lin)chimes in:

***(Little Brother Stan moment: Tiha, myself and another friend got taken out to IHOP after a semi-wack house party (yes, IHOP, it was afterhours) by Big Pooh of Little Brother a few years ago and Tiha blasted their CD in her car, I am sure he thought we were lame as hell, or maybe appreciative that we were fans, either way we were trying way too hard, lol)***

I cosign like a million times over with miss lady's picks above, especially the sweating of Little Brother, but there is a song in particular by LB that really gets me in the zone and that is "Watch Me" on their album "The Minstrel Show"...... but below is a couple more to add to the list:

Nas - He is the self proclaimed "street poet, a thug certainly", his poetic flow is mind blowing, he reminds me that great art sometimes has to come from pain and true life personal situations, that even fiction has to be non-fiction (if that makes any sense)... Illmatic, Stillmatic, and the Nigger album and some jewels from some of the the other albums really speak to my creative process....

Erykah Badu - I love this woman, "Mama's Gun" speaks to me from so many angles, every song is a 5 - 8 minute double entendre of love and life (i.e. "Orange Moon"), listening to this CD gets my mind to working figuring out her metaphors and artsy logic.... LOVE IT!

So since it is Poetry Wednesday and we are talking about inspiration and such, here is an old Naturally Alise poem that seemed appropriate.....

“Inspire Me”
Faces ranging the spectrum..... all here for one common goal.
Thirsting for it... hungry
And I truly understand each of you.
Because at one time I was famished.
Just needed a scrap thrown in my direction
To let me know what direction to go....
Left? Right? A push just to go.
I needed a catalyst . Something to make me react.
I needed a jolt of electricity
Just a spark so I could glow
Just shine and shed some light,
But first I had to shed my bullshit reality
I needed to grow
Sprout... so I could spout the truth.
Encourage those that endured my rain.
Others who too were soaked with doubt and uncertainty
Those who had swam the river of pain and adversity.
*deep breath* And just barely kept their head above water to breathe.
Back then I too needed to breathe.
But not the foul air of the world.
I needed the fresh air of poetry..
of deep thought...
soulful melodies....
Air brought in by winds of change,
I needed gusts of inspiration to blow,
.... to soften the blow of what life threw at me.

The Why and Where.......

If it only were that easy. (Guess I should get the ruby red slippers out of layaway at CitiTrends and try some Dorothy type tactics, *shrug*...) Before I lay out the plan for Operation Shawshank to escape the cubicle life, I guess we need to talk about why and where we want to go. Don't want to trade one Hell for another, nah mean??!! As Agent #0220 (Tiha) reported last week, it is getting thick up in the cube, the lunatics truly have taken over the asylum, and in Agent Java-lin's (me) cell cube they have started tearing down the padding on the wall and throwing at each other, it is real in the field.... So for our safety's sake we have got to get out and quickly. But on the real all jokes aside we are creatively stunted. The Cubicle Crusaders are artists at heart (and hand) who have doubted and second-guessed our abilities for years, which is part of how we got caught up in the corporate Hell of middle management and desk jobs, something went wrong along the way, but we can turn it around, we are still fairly young and still passionate and have a strong support of each other (gotta hold on to friends that encourage you, they are the first rung in the ladder to climb out of the deep hole of ...... ummm of anything, dangit...):

Alise: yeah, I really need to stop trying to compare myself to *Marc Marcel and shit
Alise: I always compare myself to folks that are apples to my oranges
T 2U: that's why we need each other
T 2U: people we trust to keep it real
T 2U: because you cant be marc marcel, only he can, and u gotta be naturally alise
T 2U: different from the rest
T 2U: but still the best
Alise: awww shucks
Alise: yeah i get so caught up in hero* worship sometimes that I forget to be my own hero
Alise: *heroes in the artistic sense
T 2U:
"tortured by her greatness, but grateful to have something that makes her special. and if the result is miscomprehension, then she'll take her's on the side next to her genius. because the only applause she really needs comes from within"
T 2U: by me , lol
T 2U: need to listen to myself
Alise: yup, you really should
*Marc Marcel: one of the Cubicle Crusaders 'favoritest' poets ever...

So once we get over these humps of doubt then we can get to the Mecca (not ATL, sigh...) for creative people and that is: Self Management i.e. entrepreneurship, see chart below:
*Destination. Self Management or Bust a Negro upside the head!
*Living my life like it it's golden silent. Silence is golden and shit....

In keeping up with balancing our true selves with our work selves I’ve found that silence is golden. Although Silence can be compliance as well as acceptance, I discovered a while ago that it can also be intimidating. When people, especially bosses and supervisors don’t know what you are thinking, it puts them at a disadvantage; they don’t know whether or not you are buying into their bs, thus giving you the upper hand. I’ve used this method of absolute silence (mainly to keep from saying something rude and degrading to my superiors) by accident really and watched as my superiors began to fall apart right before my eyes. They began speaking out of both sides of their mouths and waited patiently for a reaction from me. None of which they got. I figure why should I react in their face when I can blog about it as soon as their backs are turned, all the while saving face and looking like the cool, calm rational one. What are some of your weapons for survival in the asylum?

The Land of Hot and Heavy

*Continuation of http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008/09/when-inspiration-kicks-you-in-face.html

In the land of Hot and Heavy the little black girl found everything she had been hoping for, and much much more. She spent a lot of her time catching up on all of the parties and socializing she thought she had been missing back in the banker’s box. She eventually found out that in the land of hot and heavy all there was was more of the same. More of the same parties, more of the same kinds of people, more of the same bs that she thought she’d left behind. That was all hot and heavy had to offer. She began to chafe under the weight of the superficial life she had bought into. She realized that her focus, back in the banker’s box, was to escape from what she couldn’t handle, what she felt she had no control over. She escaped by emerging herself into the frivolous things that people do to make themselves feel better. The parties, the drinking, the drugs, the after hours activities, were all tools of the escape. They weren’t what she needed. What she needed was a purpose, something to fulfill her, something to motivate her to become what she was supposed to be. Hot and Heavy had none of that. It was the escapist’s dream, superficial distractions for the lost and aimless. It was time for the little black girl to move on…

Applications... I call shenanigans.

Ok y'all, I also have a part time job at a drug store so not only am I a Cubicle Crusader but also an Hourly Wage Warrior on the side, so my days are always extra special......good times.... that is just some background for the following conversation about application processes, job interviews, rejection, being "Turned Away" (i.e. rejected) from jobs... I am rambling, play the video, laugh at Chukii Booker's flat top shag action, and read the ramblings of 2 overworked, under stimulated sistas!

"Turned Away", by Chuckii Booker

T 2U: how'd you get your second job? just walk in there?
Alise: applied online and he called me the very next day
Alise: and i started 4 days later
T 2U: WOW!
Alise: why dont all jobs work like that
T 2U: okay!
Alise: tell me yes or no and keep it moving
Alise: do you know what I hate worse than anything?
Alise: ok well maybe not anything but irks me nonetheless.... multiple interviews
Alise: dont call me back for no second interview
Alise: just make a decision already
Alise: i can deal with rejection, i'm black, I'm used to it, don't make it linger
Alise: i feel a blog a-coming
T 2U: about job rejection?
T 2U: or the applicant dance?
Alise: all of the above
Alise: the applicant dance is kinda like the Cube dance, but with more intricate steps
Alise: cube dance is the two step or like the Cha Cha slide, the applicant dance is like that Dancing with the stars shit
Alise: mambos and foxtrots
T 2U: i dont understand why these simple jobs want to know all of your info
T 2U: ie best buy wants exstensive employment history

Alise: exactly
Alise: like i said at the Liquor incense and shit emporium we will have NO applications
Alise: list your favorite movies, ipod playlist, and your blogroll
T 2U: i do not feel like finishing this app at all, not for best buy
T 2U: costco is even more rigourous
Alise: i forgot, for cvs i did have to do some personality evaluation thing online, that was just ludicrous
T 2U: ka-razy because then they still have shitty employees
Alise: maybe it is not meant for our understanding.... sigh....

Okay now play the video one more time and laugh at Chuckii Booker's hair, him, Troop, MC Hammer, and Kwame had to all have been going to the same hairdresser, I'm just saying....... Get ready for Operation Shawshank* kicking off next week. (but that's just between me and you, snitches still get stitches...) Happy Friday Cube Sabbath y'all!

*yay for my exit strategy- the lunies have torn the padding off the walls now... -eysqueen

News From the Field

This is cubicle crusader # 0220 reporting from the field. The other day I came up against heavy (management) enemy fire, I was surrounded and since I’m off coffee I’m not as sharp as I used to be. They rolled up on me with a sneak attack and I had to go retro with the fire safety rules, I dropped and rolled. Screaming into my walkie talkie "Top Flight Security of the World,Craig! “code 10 man down man down!”, my fellow cubicle crusader threw me a line and I snatched up the rope and pulled myself outta there. Ladies and gentlemen, I have to tell you what I’ve uncovered: the lunatics are running the asylum! Yes yes I know, how can that be? Well I don’t know how its come to pass, but after a series of completely asinine events, culminating with the sneak attack on my dignity, I have more people the empirical data to prove it. Now is the time for some serious exit strategy plans for ya girl. I implore all crusaders of the cube, all of you soldiers of the revolution, to submit any ideas or suggestions for getting me out of here. They are coming after my sanity ya’ll and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold them off.

Reporting live from the field, this is cubicle crusader #0220 signing off…


*This just in: Cubicle Crusader Java-lin has gotten the message and is on the matter. Mission Shawshank is in full effect once I get my coffee and shit....

Yeah they are bad, but I am going to share something with y'all, but you can't tell anyone, snitches get stitches and I keep my blade on me at all times, that's how the Bull City gets down....but I digress... Now that I have gotten that out the way back to my confession, I'm an addict, with many drugs of choice, but there is one that be calling me (c) Pookie. And heroin, MD 2020, magic mushrooms, power, Krispy Kreme, and aerosol cans ain't got shit on what I'm hooked on..... wait for it, wait for it.... coffee. Don't you dare judge me, caffeine-heads need your support too, daaaaaang. Y'all don't understand, coffee, or as I affectionately refer to as my Java-lin*, is the only thing gets me over the high level of stupidity I know I will face on the daily.

*'Java-lin', like a javelin, bad joke, I know, I know, I like playing with words and shit... lol

Oh, but when it comes to my drug of choice I am strictly top-shelf. My coworker, who I work with that sits right next to me, and I invested in a coffee maker and bring our own coffee to the office. We do not touch "work swill", you will not get me on some ol' HR-Jim Jones Kool-Aid type of action, I will not fall for it! I know "we" are supposed to like free stuff, but this is where I draw the line. I have standards. However, we do rest the coffee maker on the Cubicle Sabbath - FRIDAY, hallelujah! Praise Santa**! And we commemorate the Sabbath by giving our tithes and offerings and building fund donations to the local Starbucks, Caribou, or some other corporate devil entity, hmmmmmm.... that is kinda like church for real. I need my coffee because I got a million things to do, I gotta go to meetings and stay awake, stare at spreadsheets without falling asleep, and write my blog all while keeping a smile on my face.... and anyway, "It's like a full time job trying not kill ni**as" (Jay-Z). So in closing, I need my drug of choice, management is not ready to see what my withdrawal looks like, it ain't purty, not one little bit!

**"Praiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise Santa!" -Jasmine from "The Boondocks" Season 1

A Helpful Coffee Hint:

*The best cheap coffee ever

Poetry (Kinda) Wednesday: Cube Flu

Negrobola. Foot in Hoof & Mouth Disease. KIDS. Cube Flu. Something will get ya.
You ever say something like, "This job makes me sick!"? Well, I am beginning to think that my job really does make me ill, I know I am the illest chick on the planet, but I'm not talking about that kind of ill, (See, the job has me delusional!) This is a conversation that we are trying to evolve into a poem or something, so you can see the process (or lack thereof) that we go through to write our ridiculous poems and blogs. So here ya go party people!

Alise: You got any sick days left?
T 2U: naw, you know we stay sick
T 2U: and currently i'm sick again, and my coworker say she got the same symptoms i got
T 2U: the cube bug

Alise: that is about as deadly as the daycare bug
T 2U: lol
T 2U: nasuea-from seeing stupid shit
T 2U: headache-from processing stupid shit
T 2U: chills/fever- from budget cutting the thermastat

Alise: carpal tunnel from imaginary & real bitch slapping
T 2U: lol
T 2U: sounds bout right

Alise: no, your headache came from banging your head against the wall and mine from hitting the ceiling at my job
T 2U: ha!! Cube Flu!
Alise:that would make a good poem....
T2U: word!
Alise: ...we need some more symptoms
T 2U: coughing undigested BS
T 2U: alergic to BS- sneezing
T 2U: vertigo- seperation of logic and common sense from actions has created a topsy-turvy world

Alise: i like the vertigo line, that's hot!
Alise: Ignorance makes me itch
T 2U: rashes and shit
Alise: hee hee....

Yeah, we got issues, we know this, but y'all reading it so y'all are just as crazy! Thanks for reading, we appreciate it!

Is there future in your frontin'?

*The Cubicle Dance, it's bigger than the Soulja Boy, but even more annoying...

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people. ~Tom Masson

Word! But any-hoo, here we go.....

Duplicity. Fronting. Soft-shoe tap. All in a day's work. le sigh..... Anyone who works for someone else for any length of time has split personalities. My dilemma: "Is there future in fronting?" (Shouts to MC Breed, get well soon, see video at end of post....)

UnTrue Story:

In the morning after sliding on my sheep costume and sensible shoes, I also throw on my representative skullcap (it looks cute with my locs sticking out the side, but I digress). The skully gets me compliments, in fact it becomes all the rage. (hot on the boulevard and shit). But then one day after a hard night of drunken debauchery the Cubicle Crusader wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, 10 minutes to get ready to beat rush hour, can't be late today got some bullshit to attend to an important meeting to attend. FUCK! Sheep costume is a little wrinkled, but it'll have to do, sensible shoes are at the door, so I'm good. Hop on the road and make it to Hell work in record time. Sweet! Seems like I am forgetting something though, but can't quite put my finger on it.... Step into work, head to the meeting, I can feel something in the air, it is thick like, like, like, me (hee hee)..... and then it happens Ol' Boy the Production Manager comes out of his mouth sideways, and without hesitation he gets the sista-girl, oh no he didn't headroll, attidude, eye roll trifecta..... Dammit, now I know what I forgot, that damn representative skullcap. "Gots to be mo' careful!"

All of this to say, when you show your representative all day everyday at work isn't the real you bound to skeet out eventually? I am trying to figure out how much of yourself you have to hide. Should you hide it to begin with? How do you reconcile the two personalities/behavior? What is the meaning of life? (Hey if ya never ask.... I'm just saying)...

This is what MC Breed has to say about it:

What say you?

* But is it???

Apparently I missed the memo about Atlanta no longer being hot for young black professionals. Maybe it was urban legend, maybe the lines of communication have been tied in knots, I don’t know, but once upon a time it was rumored that if you were young and black and wanted to be a professional, you went to Atlanta. Atlanta was the mecca for the EBP, you could be anything you wanted to be in Oz, I mean Atlanta. So while following dreams and rainbows and all of the things that go bling, I relocated to the A. A-town stay down!
Now I will say that I did find this town filled to the brim with the young and educated. Oh yes, they are here, as well as the uneducated and just plain ignorant. All of us are here, snug as a bug in a rug. How fabulous it all is, until I got over it.
So what happened to the memo I mentioned before? Ah yes the memo that I missed, I must’ve been partying or being someplace in the total opposite direction of my focus. Anyway, the memo read that “we (young black professionals) can have it all in almost any city, not just Atlanta, so let’s step outside of our comfort box and be prosperous, elsewhere.”


So I’ve whipped out my map of the United States and began throwing darts to decide where to go next….

When Inspiration Kicks You in the Face

T 2U: i want to tell a story
Alise: well tell a story gizmo
Alise: dammit
Alise: lol

T 2U: just for that, i will, dammit
T 2U: where is that microsoft Word icon.......
Alise: on your forehead
Alise: I'll double click it with my fist

T 2U: click deez
Because I talk a lot of stuff about what I want to do, but can never find the motivation to get it done, I keep people around me who dish out tough love like raindrops during hurricane season. I need this kind of (kick in the pants) encouragement to get me going. With this said, I've been trying to write my great american novel, but can't seem to get started, so I need to practice writing, just for the heck of it. So below is the beginnings of a story that I would like to grow. (thanks alise)

The Bankers Box
Once upon a time in a land as hot as the fiery pits of hell, with cockroaches (waterbugs) the size of kittens, lived a little black girl. Her height, just short of the model cut off, build slight, with an ever lingering pouch around her midsection, a place to hold her stress, and hair locked as a symbol of her freedom from the chemical lie. This little black girl had escaped to the pits of hell, running from a trap that placed her so tightly in a box that she’d just about forgotten how tall she really stood. The little black girl was looking for a way out, to a place far away from the box, a place that at that time would be, just had to be, better than the cramped bankers box she had been residing in. She craved excitement, invigorating adventures, reckless abandonment and maybe a little something to appeal to her darker yearnings. What better place than hell? She had heard rent was cheaper down there, and everyone was the complexion of the sugary sweetness found in a Russell Stover’s chocolate candy box. Yes this was the place for her, hot and heavy and oh so different from where she had been. She broke out of her box, leaving no forwarding address, informing no one, and burned up the road to her next destination…

To be continued in: The Land of Hot and Heavy

R&B Amber Alert and Management

*"The closed sign on my door, I had to tear it down!"

I love this song.... I miss songs with minmal production and sans Pro Tools and shit, le sigh. When not only could the female performers sing, but they could saaaing... so big up to Miki Howard and 'nem....

Ok, a moment of silence for 80's & 90's R&B....... Now pour out a little liquor into my red cup...

So, of course the title of song brings me to the topic of management, but my management NOW is not bad as it could be, I mean I could be working for Diddy's bitch ass, digressing and shit, but it came from a mighty long way.... I found a blog I wrote a whiiiiiiiiiile ago about the manager I had about 2-3 years ago at my current job... here it goes:

I used to not believe the old saying that one bad apple spoils the bunch UNTIL I worked this job. I never knew how bad just one person and their negativity could affect so many people. My supervisor is the devil incarnate (and that is an understatement). At first I thought it was just me letting someone get to me, but this person had everyone rubbed the wrong way with her LIES, DECEIT, NEGATIVE ATTITUDE, INCONSIDERATION FOR HARD WORK(ERS), ETC........ But karma is very interesting because it is starting hit her in the workplace and in her personal life, funny how it works that way, and it is really going to hit her when I find a new job and I leave without anyone in the whole company trained how to do my job (including her), and I actually have been contacted about some jobs actually making more money, then she will see the err of her ways but it will be too late, because at this point all the reconciliation in the world will not keep me here. This place is wearing me down, and I am too hard and smart of a worker to waste it here and be stressed everyday, I just can't do it anymore, fed up is not strong enough of a word to express how I feel (and everyone else here too!, people who have been on this job 5-6 years are on the job hunt too because of this virus........) Wish me luck in my job hunt and interviews.........
I was feeling some kind of way... and the day after I wrote this blog I did something I have never done and hope I never will or have to do again and not to mention totally out of character... I cussed that lady out and called her everything but a child of God, yezzir... she got fired a few weeks later and I got her job .....

*Reality's a bitch and I heard that she bites! (c) Common

Do you readers have some interesting run-ins (good, band and/or funny) with management? Talk to me people!

The other night as I made my way to one of my favorite soul food restaurant for dinner (this sista doesn’t cook), I had the chance to make small talk with another patron as we waited for our to go orders. Let me start off by saying I hate small talk and I hate politics. I’d rather say a few words that mean something than to fill up silence with an onslaught of nonsense, but that’s a blog for another time. As we waited for our food, the television was set to an all news network where they flashed images from the Klan Rally RNC/GOP. This prompted the older man I was sitting near to go into his opinion of everything politics. I noticed immediately that this guy sounded like someone who still lives in a shotgun house on the fringes of massa’s plantation. I had to plug my deep south babel fish translator into my right ear to decipher his strong country accent (ooops my Yankee is showing). Anywho on and on he goes about how silly so and so’s decision was but how glad he was that so and so did that so that his favored candidate would look better. The most prolific thing he said during his butchering of the English language was to “go register to vote, tell everyone to vote!”

At this point, in the year 2008, I’m going to go out on a limb to say the following. We cant save everyone, if your black ass hasn’t gotten your voting ticket by now, and you are able to vote (all felons are excused, we know how sticky the laws are concerning your rights to vote), then you have spoke louder than any of us ever could by saying you wish to remain silent and have your decisions be made for you. And its funny because the most ignant folks, will be the loudest folks in the crowd, but will be the first folks to do absolutely NOTHING when it really counts. But what does this have to do with small talk and politics? Nothing. Let me get back on track.

So this occurrence of small talk about politics happens all the time, and I’m sure it’ll happen more the closer we get to the election, but I don’t have to like it.

PSA from Naturally Alise: Politics in the cube is not hot on the boulevard either. Thanks for your support.
Do you know what is the greatest day at the cube is???? It is kinda like JuneCubeteenth or OkCubetoberfest.... It is when your slavemaster supervisor brings Krispy Kreme glazed donuts to the idiot-fest production meeting.... so the below is my ode to Krispy Kreme Day through song and poetry... us slaves employees love celebrating scraps! Happy Thursday!
(Shouts to Tanida who I know will thoroughly enjoy this topic, many inside jokes.....)
* Krack Kocaine .... it's like it be calling me......

"Krispy Kreme will never leave the streets Ni**a!" (c) Phonte :

this is cute:

Poetry Wednesday: Box Deez

T 2U: today is colab poetry day isnt it?
Alise: yes
T 2U: yay and we did it
T 2U: *clapping like a 3 year old
Alise: blog coming shortly
T 2U: *doing the cabbage patch

How do I think outside of the box
While trapped in a box
Boxing with stupidity
Bobbing and weaving
Weaving a web of complacency
Webs trapping my creativity
(Imaginanation furloughed)
creativity compartamentalized to fit what has always been done
...and as long as you do what has always been done,
You'll always Meet expectation
To Exceed expectaion you may have to work as a team,
but team work means to talk to one another
and you know there is no "socializing" on company time
so teamworks flies out the window,
with your creativity of course,
and individualism is rewarded by fake ass certificates of achievement
always achieving what is expected of you
and meeting expectation

So Box deez....... lol

This post has nothing to do with anything, but was inspired by this random as hell convo Tiha and I had yesterday after reading a post from craigslist,so just bear with my silliness! Let's just call it an early random Thursday, if ya gona be random you might as well be consistently random, that makes no sense so I am gonna shut up and just get to the damn blog......Here is part of the convo:

T 2U: i'm filling out ridiculously long applications
Alise: ugh, applications
T 2U: i think you shouldnt have to give all this info until they have an interest
in you
Alise: if (and when) I have my own business there will be no applications
Alise: you'll have to send me the link to your blog and send me a playlist of your favorite songs
Alise: to work at the "Incense & Shit Emporium"

T2U: All that from the craigslist post I sent you?
Alise: inspiration comes in weird ways
Alise: and from weird people

T 2U: thanks

I arrive at work and sit in my ergonomically f*cked swivel chair, turn on the CPU and begin the monotony that is WORK. But on this day the Cucicle Crusader forgot her Starbucks, d'oh, so she's feeling sleeeeeeeeeeeeeepy... she "rests her eyes" for just a second and this is what happened.... UnTrue Story...

Okay, cue the smoke machine and gentle harp.... actually just press play and enjoy the nice song
"Dreams", by Little Brother

.... (Peep the chorus, "Mama I got dreams, but dreams don't keep the lights on...")

Wait, I 'll be right back we have to have a meeting on whether the smoke machine is in the budget......

tick tock....
Ok I'm back.... but suddenly I notice that I am on the corner of Moreland and Euclid (Little 5 Points, ATL). I guess I'm not in Kansas North-Cacalacky anymore... works for me. And I am reciting poetry (shameless plug poem here:

)with a guitar and Tiha is behind me with a tambourine doing adlibs like Jeezy. I glance back in the storefront window and notice my locs are bright red and wild, there is an piercing in my eyebrow, and I have on a thousand different colors and the baddest shoes on the face of the planet, yeah planet..... I look up at the sign in the storefront window: "Alise's Liquor, Incense & Shit Emporium"... (ALISE)... Word! I own this shit! A sista walks past after noticing the Help Wanted sign in the window and asks me for an application... but this ain't no motherfriggin cubicle, so I politely to ask her to write down the link to her blog and to send me a sample playlist of all her favorite songs, if that ain't a judge of character then I don't know what is! The crackberry rings playing "Hip Hop" by dead prez as the ringtone........and... and.. and....

"Ring, ring", jolted from a fabulous daydream Alise answers the phone.... the voice on the other end says, "Are you coming to the production meeting?"....le sigh......